Healing from Hate Mail
Do you receive vicious, hateful, personal attacks in the form of comments or email contact as a result of blogging? Oh yes, I take some serious hits for Shift Your Spirits, once in awhile. I’m not really into playing a martyr, however I do take heresy as a major compliment.
Given the [crap, I don't even like the word] religious subject matter I blog around, it’s to be expected. Erin Pavlina offered a bit of advice about this when I interviewed her, so at least I’m in good company. Still, the degree of just how truly hateful hate mail can be still surprises me; I’m never “prepared” for it…
Now, hold on a minute, before you feel compelled to make me feel better.
- This is not a post about how or why these haters absolutely suck, how lost and bitter and mired in some personal Hell they are, etc
- This is not my asking you to give me a big virtual hug — I feel you, and thank you for sending me that energy
Personal, hate-filled criticism hurts, period. But, please, don’t feel sorry for me — it’s a by-product of success in the economy of attention, increased visibility, and obviously having something to say that puts a fire under people… So, go me!
I want to share with you my practical prescription for handling email flame-throwers, so you can be prepared to deal with virtual hate crimes (if or when you must) in a way that has a strategic marketing bonus.
Testimonials as Affirmations
For every testimonial I excerpt and publish, I probably have twenty others in my personal storage.
I originally started collecting testimonials from my readers for purely marketing purposes — it’s much easier to collect testimonials as you receive them, than to try and go digging through email archives and blog comments when it comes time to write a sales page for a product or service.
Are you already actively archiving your reader feedback?
Create a Testimonials folder on your computer or some other document format you can add to and copy and paste those glowing words of support the moment you receive them.
Negative criticism has a way of impacting me with more force than a comparable kindness — it’s an emotional response — you magnify that one brief sentence or two of nastiness and let it repeat in your mind, even as you can read a full page of humbling affirmation from someone you’ve deeply affected for the better, tuck it away with a smile on your face, and let it fade from the focus of your attention.
This is obviously an inversion of how you should — logically — process feedback data of this kind. When an emotional distance is required, hard data and logic comes to my rescue.
Twenty-five wonderful, heart-felt, sincere messages from the readers you write for should be twenty-five times more powerful and convincing than one wicked little cowardly hate bomb. Look to the pure numbers for perspective.
Treat your Testimonial Collection as an emergency first-aid kit for the writer’s soul. Go read them; re-read them; read them until you believe them. Steep yourself in the gratitude, and above all else, remember who you’re writing for and who deserves your attention.
My favorite mantra comes from Dr. Seuss:
The people who mind don’t matter, and the people who matter won’t mind.
And share the positive feedback with your audience at large — nothing is more authentic, more convincing. Show others why your voice is worthy of being heard — and remind yourself when you need a little extra reminding…
Slade Roberson is an intuitive counselor, ATP®, professional blogger, and the author of Shift Your Spirits, Automatic Intuitive Response, and the PageCoach Problogging Tutorial Series. Slade on Blogging shares behind-the-screens internet marketing, self-publishing, and blogging strategies with other personal development writers, coaches, and healing arts practitioners.
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6 Responses to “Healing from Hate Mail”
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I agree, Slade. A charge of heresy is a huge compliment.
Whenever I’ve deliberately increased my visibility and influence in a positive way, on a particular subject, I’ve done so on occasion by incorporating the negative energy that inevitably follows in its wake, and in the process, learned a great deal about myself and the subject in question. In your position, I might be tempted to keep a folder of noxious flames, as a testament to humanity’s collective sacred wound, so as to find common denominators contained in those flames by which to address issues of importance to spiritual bloggers. Of course, then, you risk further fanning the flames that threaten to burn you, but what an interesting and stimulating way to cultivate detachment from humanity’s collective sacred wound …
I definitely will NOT be doing that.
What is the interesting and stimulating way — my immersion in positive reader feedback, or this idea of keeping a folder of noxious flames? I’m not clear which way you think is interesting and stimulating…?
Testimonial first aid - what a soothing salve!
Not to do with blogging, but I once attended a four day spiritual retreat that culminated with each participant being presented with “love letters” prepared ahead of time and secretly amassed by friends and family. I was handed a shopping bag full of letters and cried my way through them, incredulous at the sheer volume of words of love and appreciation.
Those letters now comprise my “Love Notebook” and I pull it out for a re-read from time to time when little bouts of hating on myself are diverting me from the truth.
Lola,
Yes! A very similar concept.
Thanks for relating the idea beyond blogging and marketing — I see that it does have real world applications. I could see this being adapted to birthday parties, reunions, anniversaries, retirement or bon voyage parties…
Powerful sweet stuff.
Good stuff Slade. Luckily I’ve only had one hate message so far, but that’s exactly what I felt - all the good emails just faded in minutes but that one stuck with me for like an hour. I guess I just need to toughen up my skin, as they say. Heh. Thanks for a great post.
Hi Slade, I did not expect such a vehement response from you, but in retrospect, I think I can see why. Of course, I would not recommend keeping a folder of noxious flames without the proper attitude. Believe me, I appreciate just how dreadful and deadly they can be (keep in mind, however, that the more such heat mail you get, the more influence you’re having in the world and the more that people are looking to you as a gauge of what is normal). Without the proper attitude, these loneliness cries would more than likely consume you, the more attention you gave them. What I personally find interesting and stimulating is the idea of setting aside heat mail in a folder after giving them a cursory reading (i.e., filing them away the moment I read and recognize them for what they are) and then going back to them with peace in my heart (i.e., when I can read them with friendly curiosity, as nothing personal) to locate common denominators by which to address issues of importance to spiritual bloggers.