Be Your Own Medium
What are spirits if not the memories of the living?
The part of those you’ve known that you carry within you, like a program you’ve downloaded into your own body (mind | heart | soul) which you can open or run at any present moment… or play like a song.
A client named Lisa expressed her regret to me that she lives too far away from where her parents are buried to visit the cemetery and put flowers on their graves for Memorial Day. Lisa said that every May, year after year, she feels she is “failing” to properly honor the spirits of her family members. She does technically remember them, but with a deep sadness and guilt, picturing their markers bare except for weeds. She worries that they wonder why she is not connecting with them.
Memory and Mediumship
I assured her that the physical location of their remains aren’t nearly as relevant to that connection as she has chosen to believe. Contrary to the popular teenage creep factor of ghost hunting in graveyards, spirits don’t hang out around the spot where their bodies are interred — indeed they may never have visited that location in life.
Spirits visit the places where they have lived — and even more so they are drawn to the souls of those who love and remember them, wherever the living may be.
There are powerful alternatives to putting flowers on a grave in order to connect with departed loved ones:
- Look at photographs
- Get together or call those who have known them and revisit shared memories
- Tell stories about them — especially to your children or others who did not know them in life
- Write (journal or blog) about them
- Wear a piece of jewelry or clothing that you’ve inherited from them
- Hold or touch a beloved treasure that belonged to them
- Read their letters, diaries, or books you know they loved
- Cook a dish they used to prepare for you
- Listen to their favorite music
- Go to a special location or a view they loved to visit
- Rent their favorite movies and watch them with someone who’s never seen them before
- Research your family tree and give copies to younger generations
- Throw a party and create new wakes now — more thankfully distant from immediate grief
- Buy flowers for them and place them in your own house
- Sit in someone’s favorite chair and see the room as he must have seen it
- Take a nap with a quilt that they made
- Display their artwork
- Make scrapbooks or publish your own book about them
- Plant trees in your own yard that can be continual reminders
My parents planted a weeping willow tree in the yard of the house where I grew up. My mother told me that it was my grandmother’s favorite tree, and although it’s hundreds of miles from her grave or anywhere that she ever lived, it makes me think of my grandmother every time I see it.
“How long should you wait after people pass away before trying to connect with their spirits?” Lisa asked me.
I’ve always been told it takes 45 days for a soul to cross over, review their lives, travel through the bardo (the “intermediate state” of the soul), and establish themselves on the Other Side before they return in visitation.
Assuming they are not earthbound… I would not recommend trying to contact the recently dead prematurely as it may inhibit their transition or keep them here.
Be Your Own Medium
Just like your computer can open a document or an image or a file that was created on someone else’s machine, your heart (mind | body | soul) is a medium for spirit — your own and anyone else’s. The key to opening that spiritual file in this moment, to running that program of another persona, to playing the music of someone else’s voice or laughter, is not just any memory but a specifically a joyful one.
Who wants to come around so they can revisit only painful moments from their lives or witness your grief, sadness, regrets?
If you want to connect with your departed loved ones, the magic password — the secret URL that pulls their spirits up on the browser of your soul — is laughter-through-tears:
When you recall that memory that makes you laugh out loud or at least smile — even if it follows those painful thoughts and emotions — THAT’s the frequency, the vibration, the signal, that reconnects the eternal, the timeless, with the present.
What simple, creative ways do you choose to call on — to honor, to remember — the spirits of your loved ones? Please share in the comments.
Image credit Gabriela Camerotti via Creative Commons on Flickr
Contacting Your Spirit Guides - 101
Free resources for Shift Your Spirits readers:
- Read the ebook by Slade Roberson especially for beginners who want to know who/what spirit guides are and how to communicate with them
- Listen to the mp3 preview of the Spirit Guide Attunement portion of the Talking to Your Spirit Guides class by Slade Roberson
- Try the meditation to Meet a Guide contributed by Jeff Lilly of Druid Journal
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good read, Bee your own Medium…
i just cried as i spoke to my brother with gratitude deep smiles…of a time when the home my parent s grew us up in is the home i now own… it talks constantly to me…bumps, sounds, etc…. not too many i know know the connection to the lineage as many souls reading this are aware of…
i have done almost all the recommendednessy and today is …. an inception… connected to you…again…and the readers who read comments…sigh
i am not there is what my mom said to us before passing…well, told to me by my aunt who grieves daily especially at gravesites….was she an intuitive…or just a blessing…both and dad was her assistant….i miss them now with great joy and heartfelt tears, simultanteously…when i consciously remember to…smilin
i love this timely post, you…Slade…always eternally bless me …smile - hug - post
Blessing Memories…
a dedication..
I AM THERE
Do you need Me?
I am there.
You cannot see me, yet
I am the light you see by.
You cannot hear Me, yet
I speak through your voice.
You cannot feel Me, yet
I am the power at work
in your hands.
I am at work, though you
do not understand My ways.
I am at work, though you
do not recognize My works.
I am not strange visions,
I am not mysteries.
Only in absolute stillness,
beyond self,
can you know Me as I am,
and then but as a
feeling and a faith.
Yet I am there.
Yet I hear. Yet I answer.
When you need Me,
I am there.
Even if you deny Me,
I am there.
Even when you feel
most alone,
I am there.
Even in your fears,
I am there.
Even in your pain,
I am there.
I am there when you pray
and when you do not pray.
I am in you,
and you are in Me.
I am the law on which
the movement of the stars
and the growth of
living cells are founded.
I am the love that is
the law’s fulfilling.
I am assurance.
I am peace.
I am openness.
I am the law that
you can live by.
I am the love that
you can cling to.
I am your assurance.
I am your peace.
I am one with you.
Beloved,
I am there.
by James Dillet Freeman
Blessing to All on Memorial Day!!!!!!!
Since my mom’s death in November I’ve been wondering how she will communicate with me now. Not “if” or “when” - just wondering what method. I just realized last week that she “shows up” when I am looking at photos or playing with her grandchildren…when I am happy and not all stuck in my grief. So far I have only realized that she was there after the fact. I think with time I will be able to pay closer attention and be more aware of her spirit.
Great post, dear friend.
I called a best friend to wish her a slightly belated birthday yesterday and she related to me that it was the Day of her Dad’s passing. A couple of years ago she came to visit and we drove by the cemetery on the way to my daughters. I was showing her our plot when she said in amazement that her Dad had died on the same day as mine, May 25th. Not only is this a coincidence, but her birthday is the same day as my brothers and her boyfriends is the same day as my daughters! She is a lot like my Mother was, both being Taurus and they got along famously. To say the least with all the ‘communication’, we had a family reunion yesterday on all planes!
Happy Memorial Day Everyone!
Just yesterday, I wore one of the pieces of jewelry that a dear friend gave me as a gift for Christmas several years ago. This friend died on Dec. 1, 2005. I think of her every time that I wear something that she gave me. I still miss her today.
This very same friend came to visit me one morning several months after she died. I woke up in the early hours of one morning to see her standing my bed and shaking me awake. She said that she would be with me to help me get through what was coming soon. I felt her presence often in the next six months and would occasionally hear her voice telling me something. She was right in that I did need her love and patience in learning to deal with the emotional outbursts of another close friend. We got through that year. Often I thought I was going to lose another friendship but I didn’t. We finally reached more level ground. Thanks Carol for your love and support during that time.
All of my grandparents took such joy in different aspects of nature around their homes. They were mostly farmers, so identified very strongly with the land, even when 2 of them had moved off their farm.
One grandmother loved the songs of different birds that would visit her birdfeeder. Now everytime I hear a chickadee, I can hear her greeting me.
My other grandmother loved gardening her peas in particular. Everytime I have the first garden peas of the season I remember how much she enjoying touching, preparing and eating those peas in the early summer.
A grandfather speaks to me in the whispering of the aspen trees around the cabin my family shares, and in the smell of freshly turned black farming dirt.
When harvesting my own apple tree, I remember how much joy my other grandfather took in harvesting the apples for his love - my grandmother.
I take great joy in all these things, but sorrow leaks out here and there too.
Hey Slade,
I loved your connect suggestions. !!!
One of the BEST things about my first marriage was the family that came
via the marriage. I instantly fell in love with his Grandmother Sophia from the
first time I met her. She had snow white hair, and perfectly applied rouge cheeks. She was just everything one would think of a darling Gram, and could she bake !!!
When she passed in 1990. I was given her recipe box AND her wooden
rolling pin. The rolling pin is a treasure. I can’t recall the exact year it
rolled off my sink top only to crack off one of the handles. Yet there was no
way I would ever exchange it for another one. Every time I use it, Grandma
is right with me. I’ll be using it in this coming week as I make cut out cookies
for a baby shower this coming Sunday. My daughter’s sister in law is
due in August. I have this adorable foot cookie cutter. Gram and I will be
doing tiny blue sprinkled foot cookies. :)))
I received a sweet note and this little poem from a friend via email today and I immediately thought of this disccusion. My friend didn’t identify the author, but said she read this at a memorial for her brother who died recently.
Miss Me
When I come to the end
of the road and the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry – for I’m set free.
Miss me a little - but not too long and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we once shared.
Miss me but let me go.
When you’re lonely and sick of heart – go to the friends we know and bury your sorrows doing good deeds.
Miss me - but let me go.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamonds in the snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the autumn’s gentle rain.
When you awaken to the morning hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry
I am not there.
I did not die.
I lost the physical presence of my son, Andrew, on 10/22/07 when he was 16yo, 4 months after a leukemia diagnosis. I celebrated his 17th b-day w/a party, planting a tree that HE picked out, (we are all tapped in and hear him) in our yard with a ceremony with his & our friends. I had people around the world that followed our journey & were inspired by Andrew, join in celebrating his 17th b-day by having a tree planted his honor. He is still making a difference in the environment he cared so much about. This year for his 18th b-day we had a party and planted a jasmine bush, his fav incense.
On the 1st anniversary of his journey home, I declared it, “Int’l It’s All Good Day,” his fav saying. I wanted to change the energy of the worst day of my life into a new energy and memory. We celebrated Andrew’s life on Laguna Bch w/his GF & several other friends. His GF wrote “It’s All Good” on sea shells which we each held one during the ceremony, then left it on the beach for someone to find. We had a party back at our friend’s house that we decorated w/balloons and “WELCOME HOME” signs. Word spread around the world that on Oct 22, no matter what happens, we would remember Andrew and what he went thru and say what he ALWAYS said no matter what, It’s All Good!
We created a beautiful new memory for the worst day of my life and are now making plans for the 2nd annual INT’L IT’S ALL GOOD DAY! It is now a huge day of celebration for us and not about grief, loss and depression.
Even at Andrew’s service, that my husband and I did ourselves, we ended it with Monty Python’s “Bright Side of Life.” We had a viewing and Andrew had his 2 thumbs up. I wanted people to leave his service feeling uplifted and not depressed at our deep loss. His friends even said they really enjoyed his service. As Andrew pointed out (my hubby is a professional medium) when I couldn’t say the “F” word regarding my beautiful 16yo son…funeral. Andrew said “Daddy, what is the first 3 letters in FUNeral? SO from then on it was a FUNeral. We laughed, we danced, we honored our amazing son the way he lived his life no matter what, through joy and laughter.
As Andrew told me recently “Death” “The End” “is only the continuation of what has always been.” While our journey with him physically has ended, a new one has begun working with him now on the Other Side. He is even more powerful now and effecting many more lives from where he is now. As a parent, I will never get over losing his physical presence, but I’m learning to get through it.
Blessings to those who are missing a loved one, they are only a thought away.
Connie
Suzette,
Thank you for the personal story — I loved the image about the house speaking to you — and for sharing the poem.
Mandy,
When I read your comment, I became aware that even as I wrote the suggestion in the bullet points regarding scrapbooking I was definitely thinking of you. (I wonder if there’s anyone who does NOT scrap who nevertheless has as much reverence for it as an art form as me?) The work you create is the epitome of the process of real mediumship, if you ask me — the synthesis of creativity, emotion, memory — truly spiritual to the nth degree.
– You guys can all explore Mandy’s work and the witty and wise personal stories in between at However Although Thus Several Several –
Ginger,
What a cool story about all the intersecting synchronicities and serendipities and multifaceted meaning…
Patricia,
I love the way you (and everyone else, really) has contributed a personal story that illustrates the examples I mentioned. So many potential memoirs here!
Kara,
What gorgeous examples of a personal spiritual language! The medium of Nature — particularly seasonal farming cycles — ensures that you can access those messages again. It suggests something timeless.
Deb,
Your personal story played out for me like a mini-movie or a magical realism novel — Like Water for Chocolate comes to mind.
Connie,
How incredibly awesome! I wish I could attend an “It’s All Good!” event! You really did transform the Worst into something phenomenally Great… When I was reading about Andrew, I thought of a scene from the HBO series Six Feet Under — the character Brenda brings up an interesting question about the vocabulary of grief — Why is it that we have words for someone who has lost a husband (widow), someone who has lost a wife (widower), children who have lost both parents (orphans), yet we have no word for a parent who has lost a child? She suggests that perhaps it’s because there is no word big enough…
May everyone be blessed to have the kind of memorial that Andrew has…
There really is no word big enough Slade.
Hmmmm Slade, maybe you can attend an INT’L It’s All Good Day event… by having one yourself!
Last year someone in Australia that I “met” on James Van Praagh’s board, gave a talk at her church in front of 200 people about Andrew and IIAGD. She read his journey home, and talked about things about Andrew I had shared on the board. The next day she was in a different town in Australia going to the beach w/her kids. When she stopped at a store to get snacks for the kids, the cashier says to her as she is leaving, “It’s all good!”
When she stopped to asked her why she said that, she explained that her friend was at church on Sunday and they talked about this guy named Andrew and how Oct 22 was Int’l It’s All Good Day. This woman was so stunned that she didn’t tell her that she was the one who gave the talk.
I was blown away! I had only been on the JVP’s board a few months when this happened and here people in Australia were celebrating IIAGD w/me, I live in FL. People around the world said they would spread the word and along w/us be positive no matter what on Oct 22.
I went from dreading the 1st anniversary of my son’s journey home, to it being one of the most beautiful days since he left. In fact all our firsts w/o him we made sure were special.
It’s not been an easy journey but we are doing what we can to stay positive. Now we work w/Andrew doing a powerful healing concert with songs he has given my husband over the past year since he has transitioned. It’s amazing the teaching Andrew continues to do. Here is the link you can read about it, I understand if you have to remove the link before you approve my post. But I wanted to you see it. http://www.healive.org/Joomla/newsletters/showinfo.html I continue to blog our journey with Andrew. As I wrote on his poster at his service…”TO BE CONTINUED!” And so it is!
Connie,
That is the most moving story of how to deal with the death of a child I have ever heard. I have always wondered how anyone could deal with grief so huge.
You and your husband must be the most amazing people to have transformed something so difficult and painful into something so incredible. You inspire me! Thank you.
Kara
(((Kara))))
You are very kind. Never in my wildest dreams…nightmares, did I think I would ever lose a child to this kind of illness, especially my son. He was the healthiest person I know physically, spiritually, & emotionally! This was so out of left field. Make no mistake, I still have my moments of deep grief, I miss my son’s physical presence beyond words, but what drives me is that I KNOW my son did NOT come here to fade away! He was too bright a light here and even brighter now. I will spend the rest of my life making sure people know who he is and continue his teachings! It’s the only thing keeping me going.
Knowing his story inspired you, well that drives me too.
I get emails from people around the world that have had beautiful encounters w/Andrew. It is amazing & heart warming. It just solidifies my belief that he has moved on to his Higher Purpose and I feel honored to be a part of that. While this has been so incredibly hard, there is something very sacred being part of a Soul’s journey here and also for their journey home, and to continue to be apart of their Higher Purpose. Of course you NEVER want it to be your own child, but there’s no denying that there is something very sacred about it, looking at it from a Higher vibration of course, certainly not from the mom gene perspective. .
Thank you for reading & feeling our story!
Blessings,
Connie