The Psychic Closet
The last thing on earth I ever wanted to grow up to be was a psychic. Not that I cared so much about being psychic; I just feared being labeled a psychic. Actually, what I most literally avoided was being labeled crazy. Mentally ill. Delusional. Insane.
My favorite — my “best” — readings for other people are life purpose readings. During one of these consultations a few months ago, I mirrored for a client the struggle I went through of trying to become everything other than what I am. No doubt you may also relate to a similar misguided process, where you try on every out-of-the-box socially-acceptable label you can find, trying to find a template or a recipe into which to cram your unique talents and life experience.
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- Maybe I’ll become a _____.
- Maybe _____ will be the perfect (easiest) path for me.
- Maybe _____ is the blueprint I am seeking for the life I want to live…
The first, current, last, and future career option for me has always been Writer. That’s safe and general. It’s definitely true. Among other reasons, it allows me to tell stories behind a veil of fiction. I figured I could just write about paranormal experiences without claiming they happen to me and get away with being imaginative — crazy and delusional work really well — are perhaps even desirable skills — for novelists.
But, over the years, I began to panic about all the writers who ended up in the loony bin. It seemed that crazy was a label that might follow me into the writer’s closet and do me in anyway. After watching An Angel at My Table, the bio flick about Janet Frame, where poor young Janet stares out the school bus at the asylum she will eventually wind up in… To think I ever complained about having to wait tables to support myself while struggling to find the time and motivation to write, while poor Janet takes up a pen and writes on the walls of her padded cell… Later in life she learns that she has been awarded her country’s most prestigious literary award and autographs copies while strapped to a bed, sedated under a heavy blanket of psychotropics, barely conscious of where she was, let alone what she had accomplished…
Years later, it was Judy Dench portraying Iris Murdoch slowly losing her vocabulary and ability to speak… I swore right then and there I wouldn’t suffer through any more tragic biographies of writers losing it.
It seems our fear is destined to find us, and the only way to handle it is to become someone who has handled it — to engage it and move through it. I’m paraphrasing the truth of Jeanette Winterson.
Incidentally — poetically — it was not a psychotherapist or a career counselor who busted me out of the closet I was hiding in — it was my literary agent. Literary agents and editors are adept at reading between the lines, cutting efficiently through bullshit, spotting weaknesses, and laying them bare without platitudes or ego coddling.
Agent Phil was the first person who ever read all my work, interviewed me, and basically nailed me. “You write the same story, over and over again,” he said. “You do realize — you’re consciously aware of — what that Story is, right?”
God no, I did not. I thought my stories were wildly varied…
“It’s okay. Nearly all writers write A Story over and over again, and it’s usually — inevitably — their Stories. I’m asking because you can do more with it once you’re aware of it.”
So, what is my story?
“You consistently retell the story of Joan of Arc, or possibly the Anunciation of the Virgin Mary, dressed up in a modern context. People who hear voices they know to be benevolent and divine in origin, but who are inevitably socially ostracized and persecuted. I’m wondering how that is your Story…”
So I told him. The whole story. My real story. He was the first person to whom I ever really confessed where my ideas came from. (I sure as hell would never have risked telling a psychiatrist.) “Well, I’ve got to tell you,” he said “Your own story is at least as interesting as your fiction, if not more so. And I believe what’s holding back the power of your fiction is your non-fiction. It also concerns me that your stories always have tragic endings… I think it might be really important for you to write — to live — a different autobiography here, my friend…”
I was busted — and this man admittedly had no interest in “all that New Age” stuff, other than that there was a market for people like me and he was looking to create exposure for me, and an income as a producing writer, through article writing, columns, syndication, etc.
In my experience, you will most likely find the messages of your spirit guides confirmed — even eerily repeated — in the voices of real, living, breathing, human beings. The most successful psychic reading will tell you exactly what you already know, what you’ve already heard.
My spirit guides and angels had been repeatedly telling me “You are already everything you’ve ever wanted to become. There’s nothing to fix. You fulfill your life purpose with every breath you take.”
They also told me “Nothing else you attempt will ever have the success or power or impact you desire until you speak with your authentic voice. Your life purpose is not about you — it’s about how your life serves other people.”
Phil made a bet with me — a dare really — to build an audience for my true story. He even set a very tangible goal, an actual number… Although I would never have foreseen it when I began publishing Shift Your Spirits in 2006, I reached that goal in 2008. Here we are. I believe I’ve completed the tangent I was meant to explore, to retrieve the part of myself I was trying to shake off along the way.
The Dreaded P-word
My colleague and friend Andrea Hess and I have had so many conversations about what we jokingly call “the p-word” — how the word psychic made us cringe a little bit. She has also experienced a recent shift as a result of stepping into this simple, spiritual authenticity. It seems we have both taken the word psychic and proudly wear it now like a badge, with powerful results.
I still tried on costumes that seemed more credible, taking baby steps that would eventually bring me here: I switched from pursuing a masters in clinical psychotherapy to a more spiritual masters in holistic counseling. I am guilty of thinking “Maybe if I’m a minister, I will be safe.” (What is UP with this? Is it some past-life trauma of having been burned at the stake or something?) Then once I began receiving requests to do readings for people and discovered that I could indeed do them, I still went through a closet full of safe labels — I called myself a “professional intuitive consultant.” Well, so what the hell is that, exactly, in the most authentic, simple terms? Translated, it means “I’m a professional psychic.” There I said it. I have claimed it.
Facebook
I resisted getting a Facebook account for the longest time — partly because I avoid unproductive, time-eroding online activities, but also because I cringed at the thought of all the people I have known, some of my oldest and dearest friends, discovering that I had never had the balls to tell them my truth.
I have discovered the same thing at every stage of my coming out process — that those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. Even better, there are thousands of you who have waited to talk about your own truth, and that my doing so as well allows an important conversation to take place that we ALL want to have — I am only really holding up a mirror.
The very people who I feared might judge me — who might not like me anymore if they knew — are now writing to me about their own spirituality. These stories are twenty years old and they usually start with “I’ve never told anyone this before…”
What’s really bittersweet is that we could have shared these stories decades ago and it would have been okay. It might even have been amazing.
So, I’m on track — I’m still a writer of fiction and an aspiring novelist whose day job happens to be performing psychic readings. Yes, I’m a minister, a counselor, a life coach… None of those labels are really important. As soon as I had acquired them at my ego’s insistence, I discovered they aren’t necessarily all that important. I’ve got to tell you, being a psychic is the best job I’ve ever had. It beats the hell out of waiting tables.
Contacting Your Spirit Guides - 101
Free resources for Shift Your Spirits readers:
- Read the ebook by Slade Roberson especially for beginners who want to know who/what spirit guides are and how to communicate with them
- Listen to the mp3 preview of the Spirit Guide Attunement portion of the Talking to Your Spirit Guides class by Slade Roberson
- Try the meditation to Meet a Guide contributed by Jeff Lilly of Druid Journal
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14 Responses to “The Psychic Closet”
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Dear Slade -
Most of us who write are “looney.”
Looney to me means that we have a more highly develped imagination than most people.
I also have been psychic all my life. I just didn’t know what to call it. I always “knew” things about people.
My Mother was the same. But she referred to herself as an “Irish witch.” She had visions of future and present events and was known to caste “spells” on really bad people.
My Grandmother read tea leaves for everyone on Flatbush Avenue in Brooklyn.
I am not sure whether this runs in families or if it is just that we were given permission to explore our feelings.
And, you are right. We did not much talk this.
What do you think?
It is a handy tool to have. Especially if you are in sales. I knew what people would buy.
It is also important to use these talents responsibly.
Always enjoy your posts. This one really grabbed me.
Slade –
Wow! Thank you so much for this post!!
I have to acknowledge that you were the person who helped me when I was dealing with the same issue. I learned how to channel in 1990 and then spent the next 18 years doing something different because I couldn’t get comfortable with the label “channel.”
Just when I thought I was losing my mind last spring, my Higher Self very quietly suggested I reach out to you. And, I am forever appreciative and grateful for your coaching and compassion.
Our conversation helped me ground and realize that my discomfort with being a channel was not just societal or cultural. After we spoke, I began a journey through other lifetimes and, as a result, I was able to release some very deep fear that was a result of trauma in those other times and places.
So, many, many thanks for your gift of authenticity. It is very powerful and of immense service.
In fact, you are inspiring me to write the story of my coming to terms with being a channel….
Also — I’m beginning to believe that Facebook is helping us collapse time! And I’m only half-kidding.
For those of us who do not live in the town we grew up in, it is a very powerful way to come face-to-face with the past.
Through Facebook, I just reconnected with a high school friend who lives abroad (I was an exchange student in high school). When he sent me an email, I couldn’t have been more shocked if it had come from Queen Elizabeth. This was my first love (see: unrequited) and to even read words he has written and see pictures of who he is today is bringing up all sorts of old stuff from the past. This is very powerful.
And I know so many people who are having similar experiences, particularly in the last 6 months or so. Some sort of transformational wave is finding a path through Facebook….
Much love (as always),
Frank
This was a very powerful article, one that left my mouth agape and mind contemplative.
You touched on a few things for me with this one. Being fearful of being open about who you really are and finally doing it with great results was of immeasurable inspiration to me. For the last several years, I had been speaking about “overcoming adversity,” which pays the bills but I know intuitively I’d rather be speaking about spiritual matters - magical matters. Yet I am afraid to make a move toward that end for whatever reason. It is the reason I am feeling stuck at this time (winter blues?).
In addition, I’ve never had the experience in communicating with the other side but have always wanted to. While I’ve had many miraculous events (my life was saved numerous times because I heeded an inner intuition to take a specific course of action), I’ve never had an ongoing dialogue with a spirit. That’s something I’d love to do and then speak from the experience.
Are you aware of the “Matthew messages”? They are incredibly powerful and resonate with my inner spirit. I accidentally discovered it a week ago and have not been able to stop reading them because they make so much sense to me.
Thanks for letting me share - you are such a good writer!
I can always count on you, Slade, for an amazing story. I am especially impressed with the perception of your literary agent. Of course, no accident there.
I’m happy for you - for the freedom and release you feel from being able to say who you are professionally and personally. You just freed up a whole lot of energy.
A number of years ago, when I was a life coach, I also trained and practiced doing “coaching from spirit.” I was tentative in the beginning about who I marketed this to, and after a year of splitting myself, came out with it to all. I matter of factly told people I tap into higher guidance during our coaching, and taught my clients how to do it. I was readily received by all, even the MBA grads!
Moving into the present, I notice that I am cautious about who I tell about my own sessions with psychics. Still sensitive about being judged. Since we moved down to South Carolina into the Bible belt, I have met a lot of fearful people, and they are just at a different place. C’est la vie.
I hesitated for a long while before deciding to write about my spiritual experiences on my blog. Which thereafter I again, hesitated sharing the blog posts on my social networks with friends, business associates, and family.
Prior to that I have been writing about my own beliefs, theories and experiences in a locked, online journal, because I did not think anyone who knows me would have accepted whatever I was writing, or wanted to know that side of me exist.
There will come a time for many of us when we’re no longer able to be untrue , or unauthentic. I guess when our intentions are true and good, everything else falls into place.
I still get frowns and raised eyebrows, but I no longer hide.
I do believe, that writers and artists, creatively-led people basically, are unable to deny the existence of something powerful and great behind the scenes. Our rich imaginations must have come from somewhere. ;p
Big hugs, my friend!!!
In reading this article and the following comments, I think the more we ALL speak out about our authentic and Divine Selves, the more we invite others to do so as well. I love how courageously you’re ready to lead the way!!
Here’s to blowing the doors off that ole’ closet!!
Blessings,
Andrea
Corinne,
I love hearing about the women in your family. You bring up a very good question:
Did we inherit our abilities or did we inherit the perspective to talk about them?
I think either, and/or both — they seemed to be intertwined.
Frank,
It’s really cool that you associate our conversations with an awareness of that discomfort/ identity — as I personally felt something similar from talking to you! We definitely mirror one another’s experiences. I remember your saying something to me about being prepared for a lot of people to be interested in my work and that scared the shit out of me! (For a second…)
I just received a request to join a group on Facebook that seeks to collect/ celebrate Facebook Stories — I will send that invitation on to you!
Stephen,
Thank you for telling me that — I’m so grateful that what I write speaks to you. From my own personal experience, I had a hard time shifting away from web marketing consulting because it felt “safe” — as you say, it paid the bills, and seemed to be a more bankable subject matter… I emphasize “seemed,” as clinging to that safe space actually held me back more than it propelled me or even gave me a place from which to launch. It was really only after I had the courage to move toward something that seemed perhaps more “risky” yet authentic that I got it — that the additional passion and energy combines to exponentially greater results.
You’ve had a calling in your heart as long as I’ve known you to move toward the spiritual. It’s very fortunate, Stephen, as there is great overlap in these subject matters. It may be easier than you think to bring in an additional topic/ focus area… If nothing else, it may reinvigorate/ energize you in away that will affect other areas of you life and career.
Deb,
Isn’t it wild when we just say “Oh, screw it! Here’s the deal!” and people are so responsive, so positive, sometimes even more so than they ever were with our “carefully crafted safe” versions?
Winnie,
It’s like we’re all standing around with pieces of Our Big Puzzle stashed in our pockets, thinking no one else has a Piece… Imagine how much faster we could put our Collective Wisdom, Tools, Talents together and USE them if we weren’t all stalling and pretending?
Andrea,
I encourage everyone to read your post, as it really is the other side of this conversation — I SO identified with your recent experiences, and how much your story spoke to me… I love you for marching along with me and keeping me company on this wild journey. Whenever I talk to you, I feel so comfortable knowing I have an ally and friend with whom there is no subject I can’t speak about freely!
Hey Slade,
I’ve wasted so much time and energy carefully erecting barriers between my day-to-day regular life and my spiritual practice, which has been sadly relegated to second place even though it makes me feel so much more alive.
Hiding behind labels… I’ve never let strangers take a deeper look than the bare surface; at most I’ve been labeled reserved, maybe a bit eccentric, geeky. I may have waxed philosophically on occasion, but never admitting to my deepest beliefs, downplaying them as mere intellectual musings. It’s painful for me to even write about this.
I’m learning to drop these barriers, little by little, and as my flame starts to burn more brightly, I notice that it naturally scares away those who aren’t worth my time anyway; those who remain have a knowing smile on their faces, and a keen glint in their eyes. I consider myself lucky to have found such remarkable companions along the way.
Awesome article, great discussion…
Why are we all so damn afraid of being ourselves? Of letting our light shine???
“This little light of mine, I’m going let it shine… let it shine, let it shine, let it shine…”
Mathew 5:16, “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your fine works and give glory to your Father who is in the heaven:”
Well, we not experience a separate Divine Being in a separate place…. but surely when we all shine forth, we give others the confidence/permission (not that this is actually needed!) to shine forth and before you know it we’re all a massive mass of light doing fine things with glory.
Off to work to practice shining!
Vitor, I only know you through your art work (which you know I absolutely love) and the one class of Slade’s that we took together in 2008. Reserved is not a word that I would use for you. There is such passion in your art work. You make me feel so alive just looking at your art work.
Slade, just recently, I have starting coming out of the closet about my healing work that I do with Reiki. Like you and Deb Call, I live in the Bible Belt of the southern USA. That means that most of our spiritual practices are looked down upon as being weird or sacreligious even to main stream religion. Healing abilitlies of any kind that don’t require going to an MD are seriously looked at as being off the wall or worse believed to be dangerous.
Last week, I went to the dentist office with my grown son so that I could drive him home, if need be, after a dental procedure. At his request, I went back into the dentist office with him. While waiting on the dentist, my son started having a panic attack. I started doing Reiki on him because it helps him to calm down. The dentist’s nurse was standing there watching and the dentist came in while I was doing Reiki. I explained to both of them that the Reiki helps him calm down. Neither of them said a word as I continued to do the Reiki. That is the first time that I have “come out” with my Reiki in a situation with professionals around me. They didn’t say anything and they didn’t tell me to stop. I felt pretty good about the whole experience myself.
My son, about 3 months ago, started asking me to do Reiki on him when he has a panic attack. Before that he acted like it was nonsense on my part. I guess he finally got that the Reiki does help him.
Slade, thanks for sharing your story. As you can tell from the comments, your sharing gives the rest of us the courage to do the same.
Hi Slade and Everyone,
I just wanted to say this last post was very moving and connected me with a few past experiences. I identified with the working through the fear comment and then as superficial as it sounds the Facebook comment hit me right between the eyes!
I had a few recent friends ask me to join FB a few months ago and that was fine. I like to post pictures, write movie reviews and an opinion column for friends. But the idea of old friends finding me or even high school associates..had my stomach in knots. And I didnt know why?Well, I did, but I didn’t want to face it. I had changed in the last 20 years and am happy with myself, but would others who knew me “when”, accept it? I have since dropped those fears and have even connect with friends who I never would have dreamed of.. if I hadn’t joined. Frank’s comments above were incredible and I agree with him, in the last six months alot of my friends have joined FB ( 35-40somethings) and then Frank goes on and mentions my Spirit guide’s name! wow!….
My most recent brush with mental phenomenon happened the other day while doing the NYT crossword puzzle. I could remember the name of that JAG spinoff show..4 letters and my partner was flipping channels and right as I was thinking about it.. some entertainment personality says ” Today we have Mark Harmon from the popular show, NCIS!” and I look up and then say thank you to the sky.
Peace.
Slade, I am grateful to discover your website. The nature of your journey sounds incredibly familiar. I am inspired by your courage and efforts to empower others. This porcess is indeed about recognizing and overcoming fear. So many people are oblivious to the power they exert over their lives. Initiatives such as yours remind them all is not over. Much remains to be done.
Hi Slade,
Excellent article and I think one that can give a lot of people out there courage to not be afraid to be themselves and express who they really are at their core, not who society expects them to be.
I know I am in that coming out process too at this time, although I have to say the worst is over. The hardest was actually being open and completely transparent with family members…funny how that works.
Now it is pretty much smooth sailing, although people are always continuing to learn new things about me, much as it should be no? But of course a lot of change still makes people uncomfortable I find.
I had a good laugh about the Facebook thing - I felt completely the same way and still do about a lot of tools on the net that suck up a lot of a person’s precious time in return for no growth or real satisfaction or happiness really.
Thanks again for your story.
wow - what a great article. like reading my own life story. it’s so funny how the deepest and highest truth of my life is the one i am so afraid to share with my family and friends. i am still in the process of “coming out of the closet” but…baby steps…i’m not even talking about psychic abilities, but my experience of enlightenment.
“I went through of trying to become everything other than what I am.”
boy, i can so relate to that line. and the moment i stopped trying, life opened up in such spectacular ways, showing me that who i already was, was equipped with every talent and ability i was seeking…what a beautiful paradox life is.