One Plus One Equals Both
Manifesting in a partnership presents additional challenges, but there is also a synergy of potential power you can tap into when practicing the Law of Attraction or performing spells with others. You are never really alone when you’re living in the Flow, and to a certain degree, all abundance is collectively held and distributed.
In response to the article Manifesting the What — not the How, my friend and esteemed British colleague Damian of SoulTerminal left the following comment. I replied personally by email, and Damian has graciously given his blessing to share our conversation here, publicly, as we agreed that many of you may relate to his situation.
Hopefully, you are blessed with many relationships — business partnerships, life partnerships, marriages, friendships, family — each and every one of them a unique creative collaboration. I learn by teaching, by practicing what I preach, and often my understanding benefits most by listening to — and hearing — what I say to another.
We are all one another’s angels; sometimes, what you most need to hear will simply come out of your own mouth.
Damian wrote:
I understand the principles and have been working on manifesting a new home for my family (the 5.5 of us are cramped in a very small rented house) but my partner doesn’t understand the concept and insists on setting her targets too low (micromanaging).
SO… Surely her approach to manifesting is counter-productive to mine and how do we deal with that?
My response, speaking directly to Damian:
I observe a few noteworthy things about your attempting to manifest a new home with your partner. My observations are simply extracted from your word choice and the way you present the challenge you find yourself in. This is not about what your spirit guides say — my suggestions are a critique of how you are communicating with yourself — because how you present it to others simply has to be indicative of your core attitude.
You are not alone
First you declare your understanding — solo — and state that you are working on manifesting a new home for your family. Are you doing this alone, is it understood to be your job alone to find the new home, or would everyone agree that you are working together to find a new home?
Check your attitude of gratitude
Now, look at your level of gratitude for what you have already managed to provide together in terms of a home. Sure, you want to improve. Sure, you could do better. Can’t we all? Couldn’t we always find something that needs fixing? This is a vicious cycle.
In The Right Way to Pray — as well as countless other authors’ perspectives you’ll find in agreement about the power of gratitude — a basic approach to manifesting MORE of something, is to acknowledge what you already have, not what you lack.
Start by acknowledging what you have
You have a safe place to call home for your family. Thank God. Start there. Now expand the idea of being ready to accept more of what you already have. Because it would not be accurate to say you are homeless.
The insidious little three letter monster TRY and all its various disguises
Now, about this idea of “working on” something… Explain what “working on manifesting” means? Is that like “trying to…”?
“Working on” and “trying to” are not Doing.
By using — telling yourself — that you are “working on” manifesting a new home, you are expressing doubt. You simply manifest a new home for your family — you create it once, by expressing your intentions — and then become the person who will recognize the opportunities that present the paths to meeting the What — become the person who takes the necessary actions those opportunities may require.
And don’t forget, when I say “You” I’m speaking to the plural you. You and your partner are both responsible for taking actions that will lead to the achievement of a common goal. The minute either one of you assumes personal control of all potential opportunities and actions, you’ve already blown away half your collective power.
There is both doubt and procrastination in the specific way you express this desire.
Extreme example:
It’s like you’re saying
“I’m planning on thinking about trying to start making this happen.”
I’m being silly and over-the-top in that example to show the direction your thoughts are tending toward, if not the degree. Prune back all the conditional “weeds” and simplify the desire — the What — in the present. The conditional facets of “working on” or “trying” or “planning to” keep allocating your goal to the future.
Move directly into a present declaration:
“We are on the hunt for a better home for our family. We are manifesting the perfect new home for us, for the good of all involved. We actively participate in finding this treasure. We are excited about it, we are hopeful, and my partner and I both bring our combined forces to this common goal.”
A better way to pray
Jessa of ClairvoyantGuidance.net actually wrote a fantastic post about manifesting her new home which you might find helpful to read. You might even consider sharing it with your partner as a way of helping her gain understanding of your perspective. A different voice, or a woman’s voice, may help it all “click” a little better for your partner. Perhaps Jessa’s explanations or mine or another person’s might support and corroborate what you want your partner to understand about manifesting techniques.
Are you guilty of being a Right-Fighter?
A “right-fighter” is a Dr. Phil-ism I’m borrowing here to point to the tendency couples have to fight for the sake of winning the argument — the argument is not the shared goal.
So, you’ve got to address your conflict with your partner:
- Why is she “working against your efforts”?
- Who says it’s “counter-productive”?
- Where does that assumption come from?
- Says Who?
No, really, that’s not meant to be a rhetorical question — look at who provides this idea of conflict — you just told me it’s surely working against you. Surely?
I didn’t say so. Did your partner? Or is this your perception, assigned to the situation? Your partner insists on setting her target too low — how are you insisting or persisting your own pessimism?
Celebrate this Two-Headed Creature!
Want a really simple fix?
- Why not declare that your partner’s varied efforts support your common goal, in a synergy of different styles of manifesting and taking action?
- Why not see her insistence as her unique, valuable contribution?
- Why not celebrate the diversity of thought and perspective?
You know what they say
“Two heads are better than one.”
Are you working as Two Heads on this — as a team — or is this a competition? Why not simply choose to see that your style of manifesting, combined with the supporting elements of hers, don’t “cancel each other out” — provided you share a common goal.
The What. In this case, the What is the shared goal of a New Home for Your Family.
Let’s simply strip away all the Stuff and establish What it is that you (both) want.
What you can agree on is something like
“We need a better home for our family.”
Then proceed to defining what would make your home “better” — the list of the details is up to you to identify, but they might be things like:
- more space
- better location (which might equal easier daily travel expenses to and from work, school, and errands, which over time is less of a drain on family resources)
- within our budget
Start on the Same Page
You don’t have to agree upon How you will find this house, or the actions that each of you may take individually to support the common goal — but at least sit down and agree upon What you want, so that you both can recognize it when you see it, so that you both can pick up the scent of it and follow the path, in your own unique sense of what it means to take action.
Get the What down on paper — at least metaphorically
Talk about it and write it down. Again, just stay focused on the What — the features that you desire in the new home. If money is a contentious point, then simply take that out of the equation for now.
The Power of Diversity
Once you’ve established What it is you’re looking for in a home, then celebrate your unique methods for taking action, and give thanks for the diversity of perspective — simply choose to see that as a strength.
You are stronger as a couple if you allow it to be so.
“We are a strong couple. Our differences are an asset to our family. We are more together. Our combined efforts, although they come at a solution from opposite directions, help us discover possibilities we couldn’t see on our own.”
Reciprocate — Reflect One Another’s Power
She has a practical approach that you may lack; you have an optimism and faith that can be a source of infectious, positive energy. If you want her to value your way, acknowledge the value of HER way. Believe there is room for both, and start thinking of it as Our Way.
It’s not a competition, stop keeping score
Why not simply choose to think something other than — to call it something other than — “canceling each other out”? This is a family we’re talking about here — it’s not your (singular) way or her way or else no way — it’s Yours (plural).
Nothing is gained by viewing this as a competition. It is the Game of Life, maybe, but you guys are on the same team, remember? Combine your killer serve with her defensive volley and high-five one another’s plays and saves.
What You Resist — What You Insist — Persists
I’m going to bust you here for just putting out to the Universe that “my partner doesn’t understand.”
This may be “true,” from the walled-off illusion of Separateness you’re viewing the situation from, but back out to view a more relaxed context.
Examine the context of what you declare and potential alternatives
You wouldn’t say to me “my six year old can’t read like an adult.” You might say “He’s learning to read. He’s only six years old, and he’s learning.”
Maybe your partner is learning to understand the concept and YOU are her teacher.
Don’t expect her to understand as you do because then you deny her your own wisdom — which may be HER best source on the matter.
Controlling is never better than collaborating
Also see that it is not necessarily your job to save — control — or convert her in some way. Perhaps your understanding is her way — and your children’s way — your family’s way of having such wisdom in your lives.
Maybe for now You are the source of your wisdom and you are meant to simply provide that for others. It’s understood that spouses have different roles to play, and while that should be a flexible notion, infinitely adaptable to any kind of couple, diverse systems are stronger.
There’s a wonderful fictional wisdom about couples and synergy in Gregory Maguire’s Son of A Witch — it’s Quadling folk saying I will leave you to contemplate:
“One plus One equals Both.”
Seek Wisdom — Practice Love
Contacting Your Spirit Guides - 101
Free resources for Shift Your Spirits readers:
- Read the ebook by Slade Roberson especially for beginners who want to know who/what spirit guides are and how to communicate with them
- Listen to the mp3 preview of the Spirit Guide Attunement portion of the Talking to Your Spirit Guides class by Slade Roberson
- Try the meditation to Meet a Guide contributed by Jeff Lilly of Druid Journal
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19 Responses to “One Plus One Equals Both”
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Excellent points, Slade!
Damian, when I first started traveling down the path toward full-blown New Age Craziness, I was apprehensive that my wife Emily would not follow me. She had grown up with no mysticism in her house at all, and was a solid atheist. I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew the path I had to follow, and I decided to place my faith in the Universe that it would know what to do.
I simply kept Emily informed as I went down the path, I kept everything open as I adopted weirder and weirder beliefs. At first she looked at me weirdly and said, “Oh… kaaay” a lot.
But then weird things started happening to her.
Unbeknownst to us at the time, Emily was assigned a special new guide specifically to get her moving down the path to spirituality. This guide — who was at least partly inspired by Granny Weatherwax — “gave” or “awakened” the power in Emily to control the weather! This got her attention, you bet!
Now she’s gone from atheism to studying Wicca. Without me lifting a finger, or doing anything but remaining open and honest and trusting, we are completely on the same page spiritually. What a blessing!
I agree with Slade and Jeff both. My husband was raised in the Church of Christ, very fundamental Christian beliefs. He still doesn’t understand why I want to go to India. Like Jeff, I keep Daniel in the loop by sharing where I am, what I am learning, and where I am going. Daniel definitely thinks I am weird but he is ok with that weirdness, most of the time. He has actually grown a little more open in his own spiritual growth.
I have a friend who has been going through a difficult time this year. I keep suggesting that she look at her part in creating the situation instead of just blaming it all on her significant other. She doesn’t want to hear what I am saying so I have let her be. I have learned that whatever the problem is, there is only one part that I can look at, that is the part that I am playing in the situation. If I want change, then I must be the one willing to change. What the other person does is up to them. Boy, am I getting that message loud and clear with my friend. It is especially true with our partners.
Slade, I like the way that you walked us through the strengthening of our partnerships by looking at the positive. I will use that in my own life. Thanks, Patricia
Damian,
I also went through this with my partner. Much of our difficulty during that time stemmed from an unconscious belief that my partner was not a spiritual person, that I could not grow if he didn’t and a fear that we would grow apart as a result of the path I knew I had to follow.
Once I finally got to the point where I could ask myself just “who” was setting these conditions and expectations…I realized it was me…and since “I” set them “I” could also change them.
Eventually, as with Jeff’s story, I surrendered to the path and stopped trying to control how I would grow. I focused on my journey and I shared it with my partner at every turn…my fears of the spiritual journey tearing us asunder did not come to pass.
Our relationship has grown to new depths because I’ve learned to value my husband just as he is…that spark of the universe is in everything and everyone. When I can see the divine in my partner…I strengthen it in myself.
You can’t hurt your partner by following the light…she will find it in her way…you can count on it!
Much love…
PK
Dear Slade,
I am Patrice. I live in Tokyo, Japan.
I always get your inspiring messages (I do not remember how it started) and read them with great interest, I feel you are getting more and more in the “BEAM”, I feel it through the light radiating from your messages…(I just speak about personal feeling).I presume you like to have feedbacks or even a “Hello” from your readers.So, today I send you this message with my thanks for this very interesting story about “Manifestation”…Keep in touch. Love & Blessings. Patrice
Ditto for what Paula said. Well meaning people once told me that my husband and I would grow together or grow apart. Well, so far, we have chosen to grow together, side by side, each of us at our own pace, individually and together. As I think Slade said, it isn’t a competition. Patricia
I agree with Patrice. You are hitting your zone, good man. Watch…I feel great things heading your way…
Thanks so much for the shout out.
Blessings,
J
Patrice,
I DO very much like to hear from my readers — nothing means more to me, truly!
: )
It amazes me to know that I have someone like you, far away in Japan, receiving my messages. Your feedback is tremendously helpful and greatly appreciated.
So, Patrice and Jessa say I’m in the Zone, huh? Interesting. I must say I require your input to see that… Thanks for showing it to me.
Have you ever been to an
art gallery with a friend where
you both are viewing the same
work of art, yet each of your
perspective is just a bit different?
The friend nudges you to view
it from this angle and ~WOW~
the painting takes on a whole
different look.
Thanks guys…
Damian for allowing Slade to
share your conversation and
Slade for your always unique
take.
From Kahlil Gibran’s The Prophet….
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
For Tara & Damian
http://tinyurl.com/2djnr6
I used to think that I was more spiritual than my spouse. I thought that I was waiting on him to catch up with me spiritually, another game of superiority that ego was playing with me. One day, I was thinking about our situation, when I clearly heard a voice in my mind say, “How do you know that he isn’t waiting on you to catch up with him? He might have done his spiritual growth in another lifetime.” Big eye opener!!!
Deb,
It’s very easy for me to de-construct someone else’s word choice and offer an objective view. I find it very helpful to be on the other end, too, and just for the record, I do have people who “bust” my words and reveal my attitudes for me in a way I can’t see. I appreciate Damian’s wanting to share it with all of you. It takes a very special person to ask for help and to show his vulnerability.
And I’m happy it opens up an opportunity for all of us to lend him a hand — he deserves it.
Patricia,
Very good point. One of my favorite quotes about relationships (I can’t remember who said it) goes something like:
So many lovely comments regarding this post. Much thanks to Damian for opening this up. Growing spiritually pushes a lot of dirt up to the surface, and we see this the most in our intimate relationships…but these seemingly troubled relationships can become our greatest teachers. If we let them…they will show us everything we need to work on.
What I eventually came to realize is that all the (wrongs) I saw in my spouse were actually areas that needed work within myself.
When I would get frustrated I would talk to a friend who would do just what Slade did for Damian. He would encourage me to love my partner…knowing that it was really a call to love myself. He encouraged me to see the good, to shift my perspective always away from things that I did not want to grow.
So instead of concentrating on my partner’s perceived faults (which were really a reflection of my own insecurities) I focused on what I wanted to experience more of (a deeper spiritual relationship with life) and I learned to love in a more profound way.
This was a time that felt very lonely…but Damian has given the people going through something similar a perspective shift and the knowledge of what others have experienced that transmutes these situations into the powerful catalysts for good that they really are. If you are in a similar circumstance…embrace this opportunity to learn…it may break your heart but most likely it will only break your ego
Paula,
Great point! I’ve been advised over the years that relationships are actually the way by which we interact with parts of ourselves. And this is not just true for romantic partnerships, but all interactions.
If someone bugs you, or rubs you the wrong way, or pushes your buttons, look at what that quality is and ask how it is a part of you — it resonates with you because you have a piece of it in yourself — even if it’s a negative quality.
Whether it’s something we adore or dislike, we are, at a certain level, experiencing a reflection.
We do a lot of projecting and reflecting yet we see one another as separate and external, instead of as the powerful mirrors we actually are…
Dear Friends,
did you have a look sometimes at the “Omega Shift”, it gives a way to put it alltogether…All those mini “me’s” playing the game to believe at the “other one in front of us”…It’s part of the shift to start taking 100% responsibility…it’s all me…you too…welcome back home dear mini me’s…love to you.
Patrice
Hi Slade,
This interaction between you and Damian really hit home with me. I have been guilty of being a ‘right-fighter’ thinking my way was better and ‘why wasn’t he trying as hard’ as I was to manifest something.
I understand now that who says he isn’t and who said it had to be hard. I know that we are supporting a common goal even though our approaches might be different.
Thank you both for helping me see this more clear.
From your ‘tough nut to crack’, ha
Denise,
It’s good to hear that Damian’s story and my “unraveling” its layers proved to be something you could apply so personally. That truly was our goal, and if it reaches even one person in addition to Damian, then … the message found its home.
Patrice,
Would you care to give a synopsis of the “Omega Shift” you speak of? Or is there somewhere we can find it online?
Dear slade, here is the site, have a look.
Love
sorry….here it is http://theomegashift.com/video.html
Shift Your Spirits » Blog Archive » One Plus One Equals Both…
This article presents some useful ways for manifesting within a relationship, particularly when there are differences with the partner….