Stuck on Outcomes

One of those 2008 Requisite Year’s End | New Year’s Personal Development Posts with Resolution Exercise Alternative

I don’t know what happened to me.

(Well, actually, I know exactly what happened to me, and I’m going to tell you about it, but first let me take you back approximately forty-eight hours and walk you through my amnesia.)

I had a fantastic Christmas experience; I was feeling all Super Abundant and Thankful; and I know (at least, intellectually) what “the Secret” is… You’d have to be downright dense to present yourself as some kind of New Age guru riding on a Unicorn (which, you’ve probably figured out, is my Nutshell Agenda) and still manage to fall off the Law of Attraction Wagon as hard and fast as I did.

Oh, but I did.

Ego Radio
The Naggot (which is the personification of my ego) got a hold of the microphone some time in the wee hours of the day after Christmas and I woke up already listening to some Shoulda Coulda Woulda Telethon, broadcast live on the Ungrateful Channel, right from my own Special Place in Hell.

Maybe I’ve kept my poor Naggot crated too long these last few months — I went on tour to various Heaven on Earth destinations — Hawaii right before Election Day, and then on to Phoenix and the healing vortices of Sedona — all resulting in CNN deprivation. Wolf Blitzer hosts The Situation Room, Anderson Cooper has AC360, and the Naggot is my own private Lou Dobbs on a short leash. Maybe he’s just uber-pissed that I chose not to participate in “The Recession”…

Whatever the neurotic details, my ego, successfully muted for months at a time, will find the remote control and take over once in awhile. Part of the nature of a serious Ego Hijacking is that it finds new, original, insidious ways to circumvent your psychic security, your guardian angel intelligence, your big purple bubble, and your pink taffy lightworker filters. As with any terrorist event, you wake up when the sabotage bombs actually detonate…

You become the schmuck walking around asking WTF?

I absolutely adore the energy of a New Year. I like ALL New Year’s days — Beltane, Birthdays, Back-to-School, Neo-Pagan/ All Saint’s Day, Chinese… Solstices, Equinoxes, and New Moons. You name it — if it marks a Beginning, I’m there, with all the craft supplies for a Vision Board in my arms, and the U2 classic playing on a loop.

I’m not into your Mama’s New Year — I don’t drink a drop and I don’t do resolutions, either. I also can’t stand to read articles by people like me who tell you how to set goals. “Pick one thing and persevere!” Screw that — that singular-minded Goal Setting Getting Things Done Playbook has never done a damned thing for me. I wasted three decades of my life believing I was a failure for not “following through,” until I discovered that I am a Scanner — which I have had the pleasure of identifying for tons of my clients.

If you’re wondering why your One Perfect Goal turns into an annual exercise in Divine Abortion, I highly recommend you look into the life-changing Refuse to Choose: A Program for Doing Everything That You Love.

I am a proud Plate Spinner. I am a Chaos Surfer. I don’t succeed at One Thing At A Time. I’ve accepted Juggling as an Art form bordering on Religion.

I know this. The Naggot knows it too, and for the most part, he pouts in the corner in a specially-crafted sound-proof booth, mud-wrestling with pundits and raging at the machine… If I could outright murder the little bastard, I would, but he’s kind of like the software that comes pre-loaded on my End User Human Body. He’s the Gollum to my Fellowship. He’s part of the Mission – can you hog-tie your ego, duct tape his mouth, and drag his ass across Mordor, and still learn how to love (yourself) in a life time?

Fast forward to my meltdown
I guess I accidentally opened one too many classic New Year’s Resolution posts — I’m sure it wasn’t yours; I strayed too far outside my regular reads… I allowed some well-meaning personal development blogger to get my Naggot all riled up. (Like half-hearing an irritating pop song you did not choose to listen to that nevertheless gets stuck in your craw.) I’m not pissed at the blogosphere or this awesome Time of Year; it was my own damned fault.

My friend Jeff Peck called me and got an earful of Negative Nancy’s Greatest Hits at full volume:

I didn’t do enough.
I wasn’t good enough.
I have to do more, better, faster, bigger.

My ego took me time-traveling all over Where I Should’ve Been Six Months Ago and Where I Need to Be Six Months from Now.

The Absolute Sin of Ingratitude and Non-Presence

Living for the future
Mad at the past
Missing right now
for loving it last…
me

Poor Jeff, bless him for walking with me where I needed to go… He asked me what my spirit guides had to say about what I was experiencing. “That’s just it!” I wailed. “You can’t hear clear for shit when your ego’s running the radio station…”

So, he pulled a card for me. Now, Jeffrey Peck has The largest collection of oracle cards I’ve ever seen assembled under one roof. That includes metaphysical bookstores. Actually, I used to be a buyer for a metaphysical bookstore, and Jeff’s cards put most catalogs to shame. When Jeff pulls a card for you, even the choice of the specific deck itself is an exercise in divining, on many levels.

Fruition
Manifestation, realization, attainment. Maturation, ripeness, fulfillment. “I reap what I have sown through sincere effort.” The splendid harvest. Who amongst us honestly expects to reap any reward without first offering up some degree of spiritual, emotional, and physical effort. The degree of energy we are willing to invest in any project has a direct bearing on the quality of the outcome. This card acknowledges your efforts thus far, and suggests that abundance is yours for the having. We can get a little stuck on outcomes, though, to the point where we lose sight of the journey itself. Although this card speaks of abundance and fruitfulness in return for our efforts, it reminds us to enjoy the process. Once we have reached one pinnacle, we see from our new vantage point that there are further pinnacles to conquer. This could be frustrating, were we not to acknowledge the blessings inherent in each and every day. Enjoy the journey. Acknowledge the gift of each moment. To view all of life as a gift leads to true fulfillment.

Linnie Lambrechtsen
www.ahaoracle.com

After twelves hours of torturing myself, I got it. I found the mute button. I immediately dove into a tried-and-true method of course correction. Reframing is the simplest, easiest, most obvious thing in the world (except when your ego’s spinning the tracks…). Saturday December 27 2008 is a New Moon, so this weekend is a perfect time for this exercise.

The Exercise

Step 1 — Start 2 lists, on separate sheets of paper. If you’re working on a computer, create two documents.
Step 2 — Let your ego write the first list, recording all his complaints and failures.
Step 3 — Create a second list of everything you DID accomplish, everything for which you ARE grateful, everything you DID do right. Wherever it applies, take items from the first list and record the lesson you learned from the challenge.
Step 4 — Burn the first list (or delete it) with much ritual fanfare.

Now you have repossessed your secret of joy and may proceed into the future.

Instead of writing this post, I had planned to simply publish my 2008 Gratitude List, but it’s actually LONGER than this rant and… I gotta say, some of it is too personal/ private. I think what I’ll do is choose 12 of the items I feel comfortable sharing — one for each month of the year — and post them below in a comment.

I’d love it if you would participate with me — if you have a blog, feel free to create your own post with a 2008 Gratitude List and link back here so we can find it; or, you are welcome to use the comments section below if you have a list you’d like to share.

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December 28, 2008 | by Slade Roberson | Filed Under Manifesting

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Comments

29 Responses to “Stuck on Outcomes”

Barbara on December 28th, 2008 4:23 pm

Oh Slade, how wonderful!

This was just too good an opportunity to resist. To say out loud what one often can’t get past their own heady conversation or out their own mouth.

My list is only going to have one item because this particular revelation has so many parts.

I have this year finally calmed down, with real serenity, a peaceful background that is not still fraught with requirements, a list of to do’s, why not yet and how come lurking behind it.

Of course in the past, since there’s a lot of it, I thought I had accomplished this type of quiet. Certainly there were moments and hints. It was peaceful with attached conditions. I could give myself the illusion of quietude as a brief reward, provided I crossed all kinds of stuff off the neverending, what about this?

This calming down came naturally this year because I allowed it to surface, rather than force myself to breathe into paper bags, count to 4 trillion, take myself out of public places, anyone’s presence, including my own..

I have to say I didn’t do this alone. I had help. Big time help, solid support, including that new agey concept of the universe’s invisible but trust it is there support that sometimes seemed to come out of left field. More times than I can recall, I heard myself declare, oh thank God! For the first time in years I accepted help. Having always been self sufficent, I thought I could go this alone, too.

I’ll never know, not at all what matters in my gratitude today..

I think one beautiful element of your writing is the ability to add humor, some whimsy and undeniable wit to your stories. Making the truth you tell not be blatantly harsh. Personally, I often need blatant and harsh in order to see the truth right in front of me. I guess what I’m trying to say, with or without your prose today, the truth was plain. And really lovely, not at all ranting from where I sit.
Holly on December 28th, 2008 6:17 pm

Slade,

Thank you for sharing your human side in this post. I have to say that reading through your amazing journeys these past few months has been inspiring, but also left me feeling a bit like that level of beauty was unattainable by me. I know this is touching my ego-issue of wanting to better understand where I am on my personal path of spiritual development.

To see that even you have moments of doubt, gives me hope, and reminds me that those moments are equally powerful teachers as the moments of connectedness.

I am reminded that in all things there must be a balance. Perhaps as you move forward on your path, the naggot had to reassert itself as a lesson about how many things you really do have to be grateful about. (And as a lesson to all us readers as well.)

I am starting on my gratitude list right now…
I am grateful for feeling more peaceful and connected this year.
I am grateful for being exactly where I need to be in my spiritual path.

Thank you!
Sonia Nordenson on December 28th, 2008 6:22 pm

I’ve never read a better description of the Epic Egoic Wars in which we have all engaged through the ages (those struggles in which we must still confess to occasional compulsive participation).

No time, this morning, for my 2008 Gratitude List, but I know it’s a lengthy one.

All blessings to you, Slade, AND your Naggot!

Love,

Sonia
Char Marie on December 28th, 2008 6:51 pm

Thank you, Slade!

I can really relate, and it was really relieving to read your post this morning.

Ahhh coffee.. hold on I am going to get some while I write the rest of this comment. (Why do I always type that as if the person were HERE, ha ha.. oh well, I am back).

I am grateful for a huge ceramic mug of hot coffee and the sound of seagulls as I write this post… but pretty much that is an every day thing! For years, when I lived in the city and had a tiny apartment and no cash I loved this very thing as well, but then the segulls were “city seagulls” and I was far from the ocean. I used to imagine the beach was right over the horizon and I was drinking my coffee right there on the shore… that got me through a lot of challenging times.

Now I am really on the beach with my java. It’s pretty cool.

Over the past 20 years, I have had java in a variety of places with many visions and dreams…

Okay, under “Fast Forward to My Meltdown” I was busting up laughing, because this happened to me this week as well. It happened with both “negative” online reading material, and surprisingly, positive. Empathically…. I know we need to be careful in reading, and recognize when stray emotions and energies (or very targeted ones!) are not our own..

I am smiling after reading your post today. It really helped me to REMEMBER. Sometimes we just need that reminder. But that reminder, in and of itself.. is magical.

Good luck in your work this year and all you are doing. I think it is a very refreshing and honest approach.

~ Char
Patricia Singleton - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker on December 28th, 2008 7:13 pm

Slade, I agree with Barbara. Your sense of humor is wonderful and teaches us that it is ok to make fun of yourself sometimes. It is a trait that you and I both share. Last night I got the giggles when talking to my husband about some stunt that I had pulled this weekend. Laughter really is the best medicine for what ails you.

I was just reading a Unity article about gratitude and thinking that I might write one myself. When I do, I will return and leave the link. Look for an email from me later today or tomorrow as you were on my mind earlier before I read this article.
Jody on December 28th, 2008 7:20 pm

To Kuan Yin.

To my writing project, a spiritual autobiography called I AM A LIVING SAINT.

To how those two things, above, added up, equal me.

(Little naggot aside: did it really have to take 56 years???!!!???)

Yup.
Christie Pennington on December 28th, 2008 7:59 pm

All I can say is WOW…..this post was truly amazing on many levels. Not only did it elucidate what I believe many of us are currently experiencing emotionally and spiritually but it did so in a uniquely witty and articulate manner.
It put a wide smile on my face and definitely was a reminder of where my focus needs to be.
Thanks and Blessings in the New Year
Christie Pennington
http://www.thelightspeakers.com
Rob on December 28th, 2008 9:54 pm

Hi Slade!

I also have a side of me that knows Everything Wrong With the World. It’s been with me for years. But recently I added a couple of major social problems my Naggot character had been helping me develop an ulcer over - I think Naggot’s a great word for him, by the way - and I discovered something I could start doing that would help! Gift of the Naggot! I’m strangely grateful. And I have an odd feeling about those years of feeling bitter about the world. The insights were correct, but the emotions were off. I think I might try to get my Naggot to tell me what he loves and, failing that, have a little more balance and detachment.

Thanks for the post! I think I’m a scanner too. This must mean I need to read some Barbara Sher.

~Rob
Caroline on December 28th, 2008 10:26 pm

Naggot! Fabulous! I’ve had the opposite experience today. I’ve managed to shut my Naggot up for a full, flow-filled 24 hours for which I am truly grateful.

I’m also grateful for:

Being freelance and not having ‘a job’ (this means I don’t have one to lose, unlike so many right now - to whom I send my profound sympathy, and blessings).

Discovering in my 55th year that I, too, am probably a scanner. And someone else in need of Barbara Sher. (I’m onto it).

Finding this blog, and some great like-minded people along with it.

And for the ‘2 lists’ exercise above. I love it!

Thank you Slade and a Happy New …… Something.

~ Caroline
Life Unfolding Beautifully » Blog Archive » A number of things happened in 2008 on December 28th, 2008 10:32 pm

[...] I was led to create this list after reading Slade Roberson’s latest post at Shift Your Spirits. He issued a challenge of sorts to come up with a gratitude list for 2008. [...]
Frank Butterfield on December 28th, 2008 10:53 pm

Slade –

Another amazing post! I have to admit I kept switching between laughter, admiration for your candor and matter-of-factness, and the liberating truth that was emerging as I continued to read. That’s just a fancy way of saying this post rocks! And I never say anything rocks!!

Anyway, I immediately went a created a gratitude list on my blog (link above on my name).

Here’s my basic list:

* Move back to Austin
* Finding a MasterMind group
* Sharing a home with my mom
* Reconnecting with old friends
* Finally getting it about creating money
* Wonderful new relationships
* Admitting the truth that I am a channel

It’s been a great year! Thanks Slade for reminding me to uncover that simple truth…

Much love,
Frank
Jeffrey Peck on December 28th, 2008 10:58 pm

You ROCK. VERY well put!

I love it!

- Jeff
Quia on December 29th, 2008 3:46 am

OMG Slade did you hit the nail on the head!! :o)
c.koo on December 29th, 2008 4:43 am

Slade, the tip to “write two lists and burn one!” is great.

I’m going to shred my ego list. There is an industrial strength paper shredder at my workplace…
linnie on December 29th, 2008 6:25 am

Hello Slade. I have already told Jeffrey …{hello dear Jeffrey! }…that reading your blog reminded me that I was actually shinnying up the same tree as you found yourself in… ie re “not doing enough, need to do more, bigger, better…” So, thank you for your blog, which served as a gentle reminder of Divine timing, the bigger picture, and other such enormously important things!

I am grateful that I have learnt to be grateful, and that it now comes naturally to me and causes me to grin with delight at a such simple things as a butterfly fluttering past, at the rain, at birdsong and stillness… I am grateful to have connected with Jeffrey, and that he has connected with you and connects with so many others, as you do, too. I am grateful that you ‘felt’ the energy behind my card, Fruition, and that you heard its message, and that you felt to share it…

I am grateful that so many people are seeking, and learning, and yearning…

I am grateful to be alive, and, when my time comes, I will be grateful for the chance to move on … Gratitude is an empowering creature… awesome, isn’t it!!!

Namaste, and all things good to you,

Linnie
ginger on December 29th, 2008 11:40 am

Slade,
I loved this post! I laughed my ass off! I enjoy your writing and sense of humor so much!
Happy New Year!

love&peace
Katherine on December 29th, 2008 6:57 pm

My “Naggot” departed on the 19th, leaving many wondrous gifts.
Gratitude filled thanks for everything Slade
I always love to hear from you.
Have a Happy, Happy New Year,
filled with love, joy, laughter and many, many Blessings,
Katherine
Patricia Singleton - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker on December 30th, 2008 6:05 pm

Slade, as you know I wrote my article called “Gratitude—No New Year’s Resolutions For Me” and posted it this morning with my 2008 Gratitude List. I love doing gratitude lists. They always change my attitude for the better. 2008 has been a great year. I didn’t say easy year. I always love a challenge to stir things up. I only get bored with calm waters. Have a Happy New Year and a glorious 2009 everybody. Slade, I always look forward to your blog articles. Can’t wait to see what you will say in 2009. Most of us seem to be growing by leaps and bounds.
Patricia Singleton - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker on December 30th, 2008 6:07 pm

I forgot to leave the link for my article.

http://patriciasingleton.blogspot.com/2008/12/gratitude-no-new-years-resolutions-for.html
Andrea de Michaelis on December 31st, 2008 1:46 pm

Slade, I loved the Stuck on Outcomes post, and especially adored the line “You can’t hear clear for shit when your ego’s running the radio station…” I would have named the post that! Love your blog, bless you for the work you do.
tracy on December 31st, 2008 4:07 pm

whoa;
type A goalsetting and workaholism are just that whether applied to self improvement or making millions. i like your advice at the end of this post. i often tell clients to notice when they are struggling with anything- because the struggle is the problem. you might label this struggle as ego, and it is. another way of looking at it is: lack of balance. happy new year, t
Epiphany on December 31st, 2008 7:48 pm

Hello Slade and the SYS readers,

I want to wish everyone Blessings, Light and a Happy, Healthy and Safe New Year. 2009 will be great - I can see it already. I never make resolutions, I leave to new year open for wonderful happenings instead of controlling what I think needs to be changed or done. The universe has some wonderful things in store and I don’t want to miss it.

Slade thank you for that wonderful reminder.

Be Well,
MUSE
Slade | Shift Your Spirits on December 31st, 2008 9:27 pm

In 2008, I was most grateful for the blessing of the other PEOPLE in my life:

My Family
My Mama, who is also one of my best friends in the world. My brother, who talks about me like I’m some kind of genius and thinks I know the answer to everything, even when I don’t. My Daddy, who is always supportive and never judgmental, no matter how Far Out There or deeply I go, he has the capacity to find it interesting.

My Friends
This year was tremendous as far as friendships go — I met more like-minded people (Angel Therapy Practitioners conference, celebrated a decade of soul brotherhood with Seth and Christian and Sarah, discovered new soul mates like Jeffrey Peck, and welcomed the return of many friends I had lost along the way (thanks in part to Facebook) than just about any other year that I can recall.

My Readers
I launched Shift Your Spirits two and a half years ago in response to a dare from my agent — to see if I could build a certain size audience around all this Woo Woo stuff — midway through 2008 I reached that goal and the cool part is, it still grows! I don’t know that I’d still be producing this blog if it wasn’t for your reading it — so thank you from the bottom of my heart! Some of the most interesting content on this blog can be found in your comments.

My Clients
You guys provide me with the greatest job I have ever had in my life! Your feedback about my readings is collected in a ever-growing document that is now hundreds of pages long — a Gratitude Journal in its own right which I visit regularly for encouragement. Never underestimate the powerful impact that your kind words have on me.

My Pets
I am grateful that I was able to know and love Candle at the end of her life. To Buddy for praying with me every morning. To Sam, my baby boy who showed up this year and makes my heart hurt with happiness every time I look at him.

My God Posse
The presence of my spirit guides and guardian angels continues to amaze me, making my life rich in everyday wonders. I am never alone.

all the authors who read me to sleep each night this year
One of my greatest joys in life is ending each day in the worlds of the amazingly talented storytellers who are my heroes.

My Health
Oh, there’s all kinds of room for improvement, but GOD am I fortunate to be driving around in this space suit, and not another. I experienced both incredible challenges and amazing new opportunities for treatment and levels and healing.

My Successes
My Year End personal crisis had a LOT to do with dismissing the blessings that I created/ manifested, i.e. worked my ass off to achieve. To think that I was ready to forget, to overlook, that I set out to make a lot of things happen in 2008… I freakin DID, and it would be a crime not to give acknowledge my achievements.

2008 was the Year that…
I experimented with facilitating my Intuitive Circle workshops on a global scale — and it worked!

I produced, wrote, and recorded downloadable self-study versions of Automatic Intuitive Response — teaching hundreds of people this year how to communicate with spirit.

I travelled to Kona, Hawaii, and became a certified Angel Therapist.

I broke the self-imposed barrier on my clairvoyance, which had been limiting my development as a medical intuitive. I began dreaming again for the first time in several years, and now, during readings, I receive auric information / energy color indicators that are totally rocking the life purpose readings that have become my forte as a psychic coach.

I spent an amazing week Arizona, where, among other things, I got to meet my soul sister Andrea Hess in the flesh.

I achieved a level of financial independence that allowed me to consistently give away a portion of my income to charities like Nothing but Nets and Kiva.

Thank you for participating in this exercise with me — the responses to this post have been fantastic!
Make Intentions Not Resolutions | Heal Pain Naturally on January 1st, 2009 9:15 pm

[...] Slade — Stuck on Outcomes [...]
Adrianne - Awareness Blooms on January 4th, 2009 4:04 am

Hi Slade,

After getting the official diagnosis from you in my reading last month that my guides point me out as a major scanner, I took your advice and purchased a copy of Refuse to Choose today. Thank you so much for directing me to this book! I am already having some life changing epiphanies and the excitement is building strongly inside of me with this new assurance that being a scanner is something to celebrate not be ashamed of.

I wish you and all your readers all the abundance, love, bliss, connection, joyful creative expression and all other good things you can possibly stand in the new year!
Jody on January 4th, 2009 2:06 pm

I dunno…I’m feeling kinda left out ’cause I’m NOT a scanner. At least, I don’t think so! What’s the opposite of a scanner? Is that me, she said wistfully?
Slade | Shift Your Spirits on January 4th, 2009 2:12 pm

Adrianne,

Isn’t that book a revelation for you? Awesome! I wonder if Barbara Sher would “knight” me as some kind of crusading career counselor…

Jody,

Some of your best friends are Scanners.
Katherine on January 14th, 2009 9:36 pm

I don’t have an actual gratitude list, and if I did, it would be too long to publish. I don’t have a link, but this post keeps speaking to me. Gratitude and joy are so connected for me. Here are a few of my thoughts…

Gratitude…

I am so blessed to have such a wonderful life. I live in a beautiful and peaceful place. I have warm clothing and food to eat. I have loved ones who are loved and precious beyond belief. I am loved…very loved. I have dogs and cats who are wonderful companions. I am grateful for those I now have and those who have gone on before. The sun shines brightly. The snows glimmer. The moon and the stars are the artistry of God, which I am privileged to gaze upon. The knowledge of the universe is open to me. The learning of which is a quest for which I have all the time in the world. I need only focus on “being” and enjoying the process for the gifts it has to offer. Everything is sacred. There is beauty in truth. I wonder how I have deserved all of these honors and privileges for which I am grateful … for I am truly nothing. The world feels a safe place, even when some attempt to disrupt peace. These gifts are available to all beings. We receive them through openness and awareness as well as our radical trust and unfettered conscious choices. We can create heaven on earth, or we can create hell. The choice is ours. We are the creators and masters of our fate and our experience along the way. I am grateful for all of these choices and indescribably grateful for having a choice at all.

I am grateful for Mother earth. She is a wonderful and wondrous teacher. I am mesmerized by the natural beauty or our world. In gratitude, I am her humble servant. In gratitude, I am the humble student of her plants and animals who share their knowledge and wisdom with me. They have much to teach about the nature of consciousness.

The birds do not worry about where their next seed will come from. They just partake of what is provided. They are in harmony and balance with nature. Their thoughts about their food are not connected to ideas of survival. Their thoughts are present moment awareness, whether it be hunger, fear, rest, injury or anything else. They lack egos to tell them that things should be other than the way they are. Therefore, they are not fighting against “what is,” but living in balance with “what is.” I am grateful to be the observer of their cosmic dance. Theirs is a state of divine grace. The natural world is poetry itself. I always enjoy Walt Whitman’s “Song of Myself”…in part…

“I think I could turn and live with animals, they are so placid and self-contain’d;
I stand and look at them long and long.

They do not sweat and whine about their condition;
They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins;
They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God;
Not one is dissatisfied—not one is demented with the mania of owning things;
Not one kneels to another, nor to his kind that lived thousands of years ago;
Not one is respectable or industrious over the whole earth.”

Love and Blessings,
Katherine
Liara Covert on January 20th, 2009 8:52 pm

I love this! Each huamn being is learning that he or she is more than enough right now.