The Art of Surrender
What happens if you stop Pushing the River — get out of your own way, and let yourself be carried in the direction of the answer you seek?
Are you struggling to make something happen? Are you torturing your consciousness for direction? Are you begging for assistance with a difficult decision?
Are you interrogating your spirit guides and guardian angels — TRYING with all your might — screaming for help, feeling desperate, frustrated — but hearing no clear answers?
I get emails almost daily from many of you who tell me over and over again that you want to connect with your spirit guides…you’re working so HARD at it…and you’re not hearing them. You’re not receiving the answers you need.
These emails always break my heart a little bit. This week, I’ve felt especially powerless — because I’ve been pushing my spirit guides, and feeling panicked by the maddening combination of noise and silence. It’s like writer’s block meets clairaudience.
Today, I’m just not feeling like much of a pro. Of course, I seem to have no problem listening on behalf of others, and delivering messages of faith and hope…to anyone but myself. I’m feeling angry right now about my skills as a relay medium — I can perform as a medium for YOU — but it never fails that when I demand assistance and information for ME — instead of letting it come — I find myself flailing in a spiritual quicksand.
As I struggle, I’m looking at those email messages and these articles I’m sending out to you and — honestly? — wishing they were for me. To some degree, they simply have to be.
So, I’m listening, just like you are; I’m not sure about what I’m hearing. Because I KNOW that trying too hard only makes it worse, I’m beating myself up about THAT too… I’m spinning my wheels in a Purgatory of indecision (or maybe it’s a Special Place in Hell just for hand-wringers…)
Recirculation
If you’ve ever been white-water rafting or kayaking you’re familiar with the dangers of recirculation — this is what occurs when you are dragged into a whirlpool of force where water falling from a shelf of rock goes to the bottom of the river, and instead of moving downstream, is pushed back up, under, and behind the fall.
Think “undertow” at the beach — only it never stops. A whirlpool, turned sideways — just like the Wheel of Life — and you’re stuck UNDER it.
It’s terrifying. Your fight-or-flight response kicks in and every cell in your body demands that you struggle upwards, toward the air and light — which is AGAINST tons of physical force. It’s like swimming upstream, only worse, because it’s all happening UNDER water. You literally don’t stand a chance of kicking or pushing against this.
Everything your body learned about how to swim is challenged. If you keep trying to swim, you will drown. And this conflict of instinct and training and logical decision-making is taking place in a heartbeat of time, beneath dangerously cold water, against the force of being hit by a bus hundreds of times per second.
If you’re thrown overboard and recirculated, the remedy for the situation is actually extremely simple and requires absolutely NO exertion of strength whatsoever. The challenge is a mental decision — one that must transcend all physical action and the survival instinct of the body.
If you fight, if you continue to struggle, you’ll die. If you react to the river’s force as your enemy it becomes one.
It’s no accident of vocabulary that the captains of your white-water rafting voyage are aptly called River Guides. They will instruct you to paddle forwards or backwards when they say so, where to shift your weight… and they will tell you what to do if you fall out of the boat and, God forbid, find yourself being Recirculated:
Do NOTHING
Go limp. Do not struggle, do not try to swim, do not push with your legs, do not grasp with your hands, do not pull with your arms. Do not even think about breathing. Curl into a fetal position.
The river will spit out a recirculated object — especially one wearing a life jacket. No effort is required on your part, yet doing NOTHING is the hardest action to take.
The Universe — the Flow — is a River and your soul is a flotation device. The mortal vessel — the body — is a machine that will obey the mind and the will.
Is your thinking mind dragging your spirit under and keeping you there?
The hardest actions I’ve ever personally had to take — in life-or-death situations — have all been forms of Surrender.
Surrender is simultaneously the easiest and the hardest thing to do. The art of surrender is most critical at times when all other options — even the ones you think are the only way to survive — amount to suicide.
Maybe the turmoil, the churning waters of the Flow in which you find yourself right now, are not life-or-death — you can still breathe, can’t you? If you can breathe, you’ve got everything you need to make it through this moment.
Muddy Waters
Imagine that the problem your mind is gnawing at is not a raging river, but simply a shallow pond or a still pool of water. And let’s say there is a bright coin you wish to locate on the bottom.
Your thrashing around only stirs up mud from the bottom, creates foam that obscures an otherwise clear surface… You’re MAKING the waters murky.
Is the sun still shining? Do you know the coin is there somewhere, within your grasp? What happens if you just stand still for a moment until the water around you calms, and the silt settles? The particles of anxiety and complication are no longer helped by your actions.
Your Best Course of Action May Be No Action
And it makes the future success of locating that bright coin as easy as looking down through the still water, where it now winks at you and says “Here I am!” It’s right there at your feet, and then all you must do is reach down and pick it up.
Maybe the waters are deep, and you will be required to take a big, deep breath, close your eyes and aim well, and swim to the bottom… When you know exactly where to dive, the discomfort and effort becomes focused and manageable.
Surrender does not mean you will never do anything again. Surrender doesn’t mean that you turn it over to God and that you have no further role to play, or that you won’t be required to wait for your cue and THEN act with focus, intent, and rested power.
You’ve seen the silly scenes in movies or cartoons, where someone who can’t swim falls in the water and thrashes about screaming and panicking — before realizing the water isn’t deep enough to drown in, and all he had to do was stand up.
You can drown in a bathtub. You could — technically — drown by sticking your head in a bucket, sink, or toilet.
Mortal Tantrum?
Are you acting out of desperation right now? Slapping the water and stirring up drama and screaming and spluttering “Show me! Show me! Show me!”
“Where is it?! Where’s the answer?! Oh God I can’t see it, I can’t find it — I’M BLIND!”
Chill, sister. You don’t have to change your life this moment. You don’t have to decide today. You don’t have to move a mountain RIGHT NOW. The River can move mountains, it can level them and turn them to rubble, over time. But even if it starts immediately, you won’t miss a thing by letting your pillow take your troubles, just for a few more hours…
Stop pushing the River. Stop standing in and dam(n)ing your Flow. Be carried to your answer.
You will be Moved, it’s inevitable. You can float and rest, or you can thrash and scream. It changes nothing except the state of suffering you choose in the interim.
God IS Change. All Is As It Should Be.
How to Make Decisions from a Place of Surrender:
Once when I was trying to decide between two distinct and different courses of action, my friend Mandy shared a strategy with me:
When you can’t decide between two directions, simply choose one of them — totally at random, if that’s all you can manage — and begin moving into and toward that decision. If it’s the WRONG turn, it will be revealed to you almost immediately. Choosing the wrong direction, you will quickly start to run into road blocks, see signs that you’ve missed your turn… Then all you have to do is turn around and go the Other Way — and you can correct your decision with confidence.
If you make the right choice on instinct, or luck, the steps will unfold effortlessly and you simply continue.
I finally stopped interrogating my spirit guides and demanding a clear answer.
“Would you please calm down and shut UP and LISTEN for a minute?” They said. “Would you please take a deep breath and let us show you?”
Fine. I was actually relieved. I was exhausting myself. I went to bed and told them that I was through nagging and begging — I’d simply do nothing until the waters settled, and I could clearly spot the bright coin.
The next morning, the answer I was looking for was there — in an email, of all places, from one of the best on-going sources of spiritual guidance any of us can hope for — a message from a friend. One of the lines he gave me was:
When faced with the need to change the best answers usually come from doing nothing.
Seek Wisdom - Practice Love
Contacting Your Spirit Guide 101
Free resources for Shift Your Spirits readers:
- Read the eBook by Slade Roberson especially for beginners who want to know who/what spirit guides are and how to communicate with them
- Listen to the mp3 preview of the Spirit Guide Attunement portion of the Talking to Your Spirit Guides class by Slade Roberson
- Try the meditation to Meet a Guide contributed by Jeff Lilly of Druid Journal
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43 Responses to “The Art of Surrender”
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The River metaphor is so perfect! Another marvously insightful post. Have you been reading my mind?
The Art Of Surrender
takes … GREAT patience.
My children remember a
tune that I used to sing
to them over and over…
“Be patient, be patient, don’t be in such a hurry,
When you get impatient, you only start to worry.”
Thank you Slade for baring your soul
and sharing your journey.
Tis this open and honest sharing
that makes the path just a bit more
visible for all of us ~kindred souls~
who indeed are trying to Shift Our Spirits. !
xo xo
Debs sssssss
A-E,
Did I? I’m glad I’m Reading somebody’s mind other than my own — mine has been a mess!
Could it also be that you’ve alerted your Guides to watch for me at the window?
(wink)
Debs to the power of the S,
I love a sing-song Mantra!
I wrote one — wanna hear it? Here it goes:
That sweet sweet Surrender.
Wow man - two dedications in one week from two people who inspire me in return - that is a HUGE honour. I guess it was my turn to be the Shepherd as YOU have been to me on other occasions.
I’m glad that Spiritual Band-aid did the trick and excellent to see you my friend, jump right back on track with some Wonderful literary trickery – a post filled with Power in the Slade ‘reach inside and tune the string’ style.
And how Complete that Deb has also chosen this thread to come out as DEBS, an important step in her spiritual evolution and one that we’ll all have to keep tabs on, trust me - Go Girl
Love and Light to you all,
Take care, keep smiling, search for truth, BE the change.
Damian
This is good stuff. It’s interesting that you would write about this right around the same time that I have decided to stop harassing god/ess/s about the Answer and just decide to make peace with the mystery for now. To just Let It Be, as the Beatles so eloquently put it (a song with a BVM connection that I’m sure you’re aware of).
Ok, so you read my mind too… I’ve been getting very frustrated, unable to contact/see/hear my guides in the way I wanted to/ thought I was supposed to… exactly as you wrote about in the beginning of the article…
Plus there is another situation in my life where I have been banging my head against the wall, trying to figure out what to DO… and then last night I just gave up and let go and surrendered… and what do you know… the block gave way and the situation moved.
Such wisdom, so well-written, and with a most appropriate metaphor. Doing ‘nothing’ is the MOST difficult thing do do, especially for those of us who like to be Human Doings, not human beings…
Much appreciation for this post,
Kara-Leah
This came a day late for me, but oh, it is still so timely.
When something is holding you still, stop for a moment and study it. When something is pushing you to action, relax and act… I wish I was thinking about that yesterday when I was stuck in a very Taurean mood of anti-action. I literally sat for five hours watching a bandwidth graph fluctuate.
So, let me ask you, what do your guides say is the best thing that you could be doing right now (besides approving this post and replying to it
)?
So, I stopped and rested… and I got a very nice surprise.
I am in the planning phases of starting a new business… One of the requirements is that the user interface uses AJAX, so for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been beating myself up trying to learn JavaScript, wishing that there was some easy to use toolkit, but determined to push through anyways…
Well, today, I stopped to take a breather… A couple of hours later, I got an email from Microsoft advertising for a network guy seminar… Normally, I just throw that stuff in the junk folder, because I can’t afford the typical $500 for a seminar, even if they have a location near by… but I looked into this one, and I noticed that they’re having a programmer’s seminar on the same day in the afternoon… and that it’s all free. In fact, it’s covering AJAX, and they’re giving away free toolkits to all of the attendees (as well as, of course, the source code that they’ll be using for the demonstrations). Seriously, it’s like Christmas all over again.
If I wasn’t being patient, I would have just deleted the email without looking at it, and I’d still be struggling with learning a new programming language… Now, I get to use languages that I already know to do exactly what I want.
Good things come to those who wait, it seems.
Adam,
Apparently my guides said “It’s a comment from Adam; would you please just approve it and then go to bed? You can answer it in the morning…”
Revealing word choice “Stop and take a breather…”
I have a couple of questions for you: Is this new business venture related to your artist’s directive from your new Money?
Watching bandwidth graphs fluctuate: is this OldMan2.0 - sitting on the front porch watching the traffic go by?
: )
A day late and STILL timely? Awesome!
Kullervo,
The BVM smiles on that Beatles tune.
: )
Damian,
If I had one of those annoying MySpace-style page soundtracks (still thankfully light years ahead of those awful MIDI music box files from Web 0.5 that were musical cues to hit the Back button on your browser…) I would certainly have fired up a little Sarah MacLachlan.
Actually, that tune has always been one of my favorite pop songs.
A-E and K-L,
I’m happy to hear that I have indeed been reading your minds.
You know, it never fails — everytime I publish a post that I feel could be too whiny, too personal, too vulnerable — these are always the ones that draw the most responses of reflection.
The one thing I pray for more than any other comes to me directly from the Mother — I ask that my heart be wrapped in mirrors.
I used to think it was more about anger management and pacifism than anything, but now I see how it informs what I choose to write.
So, thanks for the confirmation — even the toughest personal challenges can be transformed by creativity and intention into purpose…
Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. I wish that I could get into more detail about it, but it’s a relatively easy-to-implement change on an existing business model; more fair for the consumer, which means that the consumers are much more likely use it, resulting in more long-term profits. Now if I could just figure out how to ship a package the size of a DVD box twice for as cheaply as possible…
Another project is to write a self-help book with the first chapter giving away the entire point of the book… In fact, the whole book can be summed up by saying “Stop reading self-help books and go make a difference in your life. After you have made the difference, come back to the books to learn how to make an even larger difference.”
Cause before effect… Value before profit…
Oh, and as for watching the bandwidth graph… That was stubborn anti-action. I just sat down in the middle of the proverbial road and dared the proverbial cars to come close. Obviously I just wasn’t in a good mood and I wanted it to be known at the time.
Adam,
The Ultimate Guide to Shelf-Help — it could be one page, the rest of it a blank journal the reader writes himself.
: )
Could be one hell of an easy book to produce, actually.
Isn’t that what the typical Book of Shadows is? The first page is traditionally the Wiccan Reed, with the rest being either lined or unlined pages slowly filled with the person’s thoughts and things that they found interesting…
Say, that could be a great ‘companion’ book… A bound, lined journal with a catchphrase from the main book on the first page.
Adam,
There’s an enormous Journal/Blank Book market — many of them are companion workbooks or planners in conjunction with a particular self-help book or method — some have elaborate prompts, quotations, visual inspiration — some are more simple in their materials — all about a unique cover or specialty papers…
The range of possibilities is enormous. I personally don’t care for lined journals at all, and I prefer a truly blank canvas that will allow me to implement my own themes and embellishments.
I like the uniformity of using black hardcover bound artist’s sketchbooks — but sometimes, for a particular theme or project, I’ll introduce a color.
If you check out Consumer Generated Media sites like CafePress.com you’ll see that self-publishing your own unique take on the journal is super easy to accomplish.
This niche is alive and kicking in any bookstore you visit — a true retail staple.
I think it would be cool to create my own “line” of journals for my own personal use — but I’ve got the pickiest set of criteria…
: )
Would be a cool thing to publish and give as gifts…
[...] I’m diving into change. I’m shifting my spirits, my business, and my virtual presence. That’s where all the fretful recent posts are coming from — The Art of Surrender — and yesterday’s crytic Who You Are Becomes You. [...]
[...] I’m diving into change. I’m shifting my spirits, my business, and my virtual presence. That’s where all the fretful recent posts are coming from — The Art of Surrender — and yesterday’s crytic Who You Are Becomes You. [...]
[...] We have a tendency to over-intellectualize our intuitive abilities. Our “trying” is often pushing the river… [...]
[...] The second is an article by Slade, titled The Art of Surrender. In it, Slade talks about how sometimes we just need to let go and stop struggling in order to progress… This is often a hidden path that just isn’t obvious, but it matches the third layer of The Lovers perfectly. [...]
[...] Taking that step back has also allowed me to identify what else helps me to achieve inner, pragmatic peace. There have been other blogs out there who have been closely mirroring my experiences, such as Slade’s post on The Art of Surrender, which was posted earlier in the day when I first hit rock-bottom, yet I didn’t read it until after I had surrendered to my situation’s currents. Albert’s series on the Ego also paralleled my own experiences, as I struggled to get my ego under control. (Read his many posts on Ego to see why struggling against the ego is counter-productive.) [...]
I’ve lost count - but I think I’ve now read this post around 700 times. Give or take. It might be helpful if I just go ahead and have it tatooed on my left arm. That way every morning while the coffee’s brewing, I’ll give it a read and will MAYBE thrash around a little less that day.
I came back here today because AMAZINGLY I’ve been hearing the surrender message from NUMEROUS sources this week.
“Sheesh! I get it!” she insists. Sometimes for as long as a day and a half. Then it’s right back to my frenetic default setting of “What to do? What to do? OMG!!! What To Do???” and there I am - right back in the undertow. Working overtime to quell second guesses, doubts and misgivings.
Letting go. It SOUNDS much easier than holding on. So why am I making it so hard?
Lola,
I would have to say that The Art of Surrender is my all-time personal favorite article (currently).
Just this past week, I met a new reader who prints out his favorites and keeps them in a notebook — okay, okay, dead-tree-people, a perfect bound paperback edition is in the works — I looked at the collection he had already started, and humbled and honored, I saw this one had yet to make his homegrown binder version of Shift Your Spirits.
I personally sent this page to his printer and said “This one is a must-have.”
And even though I wrote this piece, it is one I too revisit regularly for my own spiritual “adjustment”.
Did I mention I consider the Sarah MacLachlan song an all-time pop classic?
Yes you did - in fact, hearing a snippet of that song this week was one source of “subtle” reminder. As were two different books on two totally seperate subjects, yet both made frequent references to the role of surrender. (Ha! It’s almost like I needed to hear it!! Someone said something about beating her head on a wall? Yeah. Like that.)
I think part of what makes this slip from my grasp at times is that surrendering or, as you said, doing nothing and letting the answers come, seems counterintuitive to having a mind that’s pretty darn good at figuring shit out. When I come close to total surrender, I feel fearful perhaps, that completely letting go will discount an important part of who I am.
Hi Slade, I just loved this article, I felt like you came into my home, picked me right up off the floor ,dusted me off and said “hey girl, whats all this fuss? let it go, you’ll be okay! I know i will, I could go on but I am crying, and I cant see what i am typing , Slade I am so grateful, never doubt that what you write might not be enough, its always just enough! love Joan
Joan,
Thank you for telling me about how this impacted you. If I may say so myself, I think this post is Special, above all the others.
You are special too.
: )
[...] Just as an example, the one post I’ve authored that I re-read and apply as if I’ve never heard it before — again and again — is The Art of Surrender. No matter how many times I “get it,” no matter how much faster and more efficient I become at recognizing the pattern of my need for Surrender, I keep finding myself needing to Hear it again. [...]
[...] Now what? How to get to Chapter Two? How do push toward the Next Step? How do you keep the momentum going? Well, you might choose to stop pushing; but also consider taking an action slightly more subtle than surrender. [...]
Mr R,
Does anyone call you that? Nevermind…superfluous. Hope you don’t mind.
Just like Lola, I look at even just this title to the nth degree. The rest appears automatically as if it were her left arm tatoo. I believe that the reason and the answer I don’t just do it has not only been contained in the post but the comments. And of course, inside.
If I let go of the last of the vestiges, then what? The definition and even the dictionary is gone. So far, I have been unable to survive without them. I use them both each and everyday. Is it then really imagined, this need?
Bottom line answer is just too practical and seems harder than anything anyone could ask me to do, including asking myself.
Won’t know until I try.
There, I said it. It appears to be true. Feeling it, not so much. And I continue to ask, why this of all things? Wondering why basics get to be this challenging. The next step appears to be there. Wish me luck as I inch a little more, because I definitely feel the directional pull. And the push pull too.
Must mean something in the revisiting, maybe just mustering the courage.
This is beautiful and powerful. And just what I needed to read today.
Thank you for being here.
With love, Maithri
[...] The Art of Surrender [...]
Surrender is definitely a powerful experience. It can seem hard, at least initially, when you are conditioned to do, go and otherwise make it happen. Few people are taught to sit back and let things happen. Great patience is required. Another thing is passive behavior is not encouraged by society. In fact, it is compared with labels like “lazy” or “useless.” I think of the process of pushing to accomplish certain tasks and coming to the realisation that the transferable skills gained turned out to be meant for other things. It is humbling to realize you are not always in control and you are not meant to be. That in mind, each person is encouraged to do the best he or she can right now.
[...] Maybe your best course of action in this moment is to do nothing. Stop trying, stop pushing the river, and practice the Art of Surrender. [...]
I just loved this topic on Surrender. Here’s why…
On September 13, 2008, after years and even decades of struggle and fighting against this personal matter. Okay, I ‘ll share it…being gay.
I have known since I was a child that I was attracted to the same sex. So attracted the older I got the less male friendships I had. I did not want to be gay for the obvious reasons, the hate, the stigma, the name calling, the loss of loved ones, I thought being gay was a sexual position. Not too mention my personal walk with God. Why would God create me like this if he was just going to throw me away and destroy me? That just never made sense to me. Not at all.
I tried to have girlfriends, never worked. I tried marriage, it never worked. I tried living a life without sex denying myself something that God had given us all to do. I never had vaginal intercourse, in my life, and I am now 48 years old. Just the thought of it…traumatizes me.
I tried to act straight for 4 decades and still I would get that same old question: “Are you gay?”
So I guess I was a bad actor. And I hated playing that part.
So after decades of struggle. And decades of fighting. My health started to be affected by this and my state of mind as well.
Long story short…
I had my breaking point. I just could not do it anymore! I ran out to the parking lot of my job, it was nigh time, and I just let out a scream….”I surrender! Okay God, I will do what you want me to do. I fell on my knees and sobbed. Putting my face into my palms I felt a pair of arms reach down to me and put a crown on my head and said, “Well done.” “This gift has been yours all the time. It’s been waiting for you. This is from me to you. Because I love you. This is what you have to do for me, this is your to bare and carry with you at all times. Now that you have accepted it, you must embrace it, love it, know it, live it, and use it. For this is for you.”
“In a few days to come, as you begin to learn about your gift, I will also give you these other spiritual gifts, counseling, teaching, wisdom, guidance, you will empower many gifts as I need them to get my work done. ”
Immediately, I was free from the weight of all my toils and troubles and anxieties. Suddenly, I could breath.
It’s only been six months and I have experienced so much and learned so much in so little time.
My life has not been the same since. And I am very happy. I am not ashamed. God loves me. I have a purpose and a calling. I am being spiritually guided on ward now. I am no longer …. still.
Ralph,
That is HUGE!
I am so happy for you and so very proud of you. As a gay man who was out from the time I was a teenager, I can only imagine how it must have felt to be in the closet so long. But I’ve hidden in a lot of other kinds of closets — as I’m sure we all have — your story will speak for a lot of people. I’m honored that you would share it here.
xxxooo
Slade
Thank you Slade. This was absolutely the most beautiful, amazing and beneficial piece of writing and it hit home with such force.
So I want to say THANK YOU! From someone struggling with change and needlessly scary financial issues….From someone who has been trying to connect with spirit guides with the ease that others seem to have, in order to access information on how to shift and what to do next in a situation that feels dire and seems to need some form of action……..Thank you from someone who actually Googled in utter frustration “How do I let go and let God..just what are the steps on HOW to do that.”…….
Thank you very much! I loved your analogy and I now understand how to surrender ….why to stop begging and pleading for an answer, and how to be still ….. Your message came at just the right moment for me; putting my dream of struggling in water while still drowning in a whole new perspective.
Thank you!
From Michele who is no longer trying to push the river.
Slade, I found your blog through Greg Blencoe and his 10 Must Read Posts. (My blog was there too). I really enjoyed this post and could relate to it on so many levels.
I’m an intuitive consultant with the same dilemma. I can dispense advice to others, but when it comes to hearing the guidance I need for myself I usually have to turn to my fellow intuitives.
I just recently made a major decision to sell my house and downsize. I’d been asking my guides for guidance on this for months - to no avail. I heard nothing but silence except for one night when I heard: Just go to sleep!. Two weeks ago I woke up and looked around this house that’s way to big for me and I knew it was time to go. I realized now I had to come to this decision on my own. I had to be emotionally ready to give up this house.
So nice connecting with you. I’m going to subscribe.
Thank you Slade!
This is my first visit. I found you via Greg Blencoe.
I especially love, “If you can breathe, you have everything you need to make it through this moment.”
This was what I needed to hear after a long day of ups and downs. I’m heading out to the river bank near my home to be still for a while.
Thank you for the inspiration!
Michele,
It’s so great to watch how this post seems to find people at the perfect time. It’s one of my favorite pieces, if I do say so myself.
Angela & Jenny,
Welcome — I think you found a great place to start with Shift Your Spirits. It’s awesome to know that people are still discovering and sharing this post over three years after publishing it! Thanks for letting me know you found me through Greg Blencoe’s recommendation — I’ll have to go and thank him for including me.