One Plus One Equals Both

Manifesting in a partnership presents additional challenges, but there is also a synergy of potential power you can tap into when practicing the Law of Attraction or performing spells with others. You are never really alone when you're living in the Flow, and to a certain degree, all abundance is collectively held and distributed. In response to the article Manifesting the What -- not the How, my friend and esteemed British colleague Damian of SoulTerminal left the following comment. I replied personally by email, and Damian has graciously given his blessing to share our conversation here, publicly, as we agreed that many of you may relate to his situation.

Hopefully, you are blessed with many relationships -- business partnerships, life partnerships, marriages, friendships, family -- each and every one of them a unique creative collaboration. I learn by teaching, by practicing what I preach, and often my understanding benefits most by listening to -- and hearing -- what I say to another.

We are all one another's angels; sometimes, what you most need to hear will simply come out of your own mouth. Damian wrote:

I understand the principles and have been working on manifesting a new home for my family (the 5.5 of us are cramped in a very small rented house) but my partner doesn't understand the concept and insists on setting her targets too low (micromanaging). SO… Surely her approach to manifesting is counter-productive to mine and how do we deal with that?

My response, speaking directly to Damian: I observe a few noteworthy things about your attempting to manifest a new home with your partner. My observations are simply extracted from your word choice and the way you present the challenge you find yourself in. This is not about what your spirit guides say -- my suggestions are a critique of how you are communicating with yourself -- because how you present it to others simply has to be indicative of your core attitude.

You are not alone

First you declare your understanding -- solo -- and state that you are working on manifesting a new home for your family. Are you doing this alone, is it understood to be your job alone to find the new home, or would everyone agree that you are working together to find a new home?

Check your attitude of gratitude

Now, look at your level of gratitude for what you have already managed to provide together in terms of a home. Sure, you want to improve. Sure, you could do better. Can't we all? Couldn't we always find something that needs fixing? This is a vicious cycle.

In The Right Way to Pray -- as well as countless other authors' perspectives you'll find in agreement about the power of gratitude -- a basic approach to manifesting MORE of something, is to acknowledge what you already have, not what you lack.

Start by acknowledging what you have

You have a safe place to call home for your family. Thank God. Start there. Now expand the idea of being ready to accept more of what you already have. Because it would not be accurate to say you are homeless.

The insidious little three letter monster "try" and all its various disguises

Now, about this idea of "working on" something... Explain what "working on manifesting" means? Is that like "trying to..."?

"Working on" and "trying to" are not Doing.

By using -- telling yourself -- that you are "working on" manifesting a new home, you are expressing doubt. You simply manifest a new home for your family -- you create it once, by expressing your intentions -- and then become the person who will recognize the opportunities that present the paths to meeting the What -- become the person who takes the necessary actions those opportunities may require.

And don't forget, when I say "You" I'm speaking to the plural you. You and your partner are both responsible for taking actions that will lead to the achievement of a common goal. The minute either one of you assumes personal control of all potential opportunities and actions, you've already blown away half your collective power.

There is both doubt and procrastination in the specific way you express this desire.

Extreme example: It's like you're saying

"I'm planning on thinking about trying to start making this happen."

I'm being silly and over-the-top in that example to show the direction your thoughts are tending toward, if not the degree. Prune back all the conditional "weeds" and simplify the desire -- the What -- in the present. The conditional facets of "working on" or "trying" or "planning to" keep allocating your goal to the future.

Move directly into a present declaration:

"We are on the hunt for a better home for our family. We are manifesting the perfect new home for us, for the good of all involved. We actively participate in finding this treasure. We are excited about it, we are hopeful, and my partner and I both bring our combined forces to this common goal."

A better way to pray

Jessa of actually wrote a fantastic post about manifesting her new home which you might find helpful to read. You might even consider sharing it with your partner as a way of helping her gain understanding of your perspective. A different voice, or a woman's voice, may help it all "click" a little better for your partner. Perhaps Jessa's explanations or mine or another person's might support and corroborate what you want your partner to understand about manifesting techniques.

Are you guilty of being a Right-Fighter?

A "right-fighter" is a Dr. Phil-ism I'm borrowing here to point to the tendency couples have to fight for the sake of winning the argument -- the argument is not the shared goal.

So, you've got to address your conflict with your partner:

  • Why is she "working against your efforts"?
  • Who says it's "counter-productive"?
  • Where does that assumption come from?
  • Says Who?

No, really, that's not meant to be a rhetorical question -- look at who provides this idea of conflict -- you just told me it's surely working against you. Surely?

I didn't say so. Did your partner? Or is this your perception, assigned to the situation? Your partner insists on setting her target too low -- how are you insisting or persisting your own pessimism?

Celebrate this Two-Headed Creature! Want a really simple fix?

  • Why not declare that your partner's varied efforts support your common goal, in a synergy of different styles of manifesting and taking action?
  • Why not see her insistence as her unique, valuable contribution?
  • Why not celebrate the diversity of thought and perspective?

You know what they say

"Two heads are better than one."

Are you working as Two Heads on this -- as a team -- or is this a competition? Why not simply choose to see that your style of manifesting, combined with the supporting elements of hers, don't "cancel each other out" -- provided you share a common goal.

The What. In this case, the What is the shared goal of a New Home for Your Family.

Let's simply strip away all the Stuff and establish What it is that you (both) want.

What you can agree on is something like

"We need a better home for our family."

Then proceed to defining what would make your home "better" -- the list of the details is up to you to identify, but they might be things like:

  • more space
  • better location (which might equal easier daily travel expenses to and from work, school, and errands, which over time is less of a drain on family resources)
  • within our budget

Start on the Same Page

You don't have to agree upon How you will find this house, or the actions that each of you may take individually to support the common goal -- but at least sit down and agree upon What you want, so that you both can recognize it when you see it, so that you both can pick up the scent of it and follow the path, in your own unique sense of what it means to take action.

Get the What down on paper -- at least metaphorically

Talk about it and write it down. Again, just stay focused on the What -- the features that you desire in the new home. If money is a contentious point, then simply take that out of the equation for now.

The Power of Diversity

Once you've established What it is you're looking for in a home, then celebrate your unique methods for taking action, and give thanks for the diversity of perspective -- simply choose to see that as a strength.

You are stronger as a couple if you allow it to be so.

"We are a strong couple. Our differences are an asset to our family. We are more together. Our combined efforts, although they come at a solution from opposite directions, help us discover possibilities we couldn't see on our own."

Reciprocate - Reflect One Another's Power

She has a practical approach that you may lack; you have an optimism and faith that can be a source of infectious, positive energy. If you want her to value your way, acknowledge the value of HER way. Believe there is room for both, and start thinking of it as Our Way.

It's not a competition, stop keeping score

Why not simply choose to think something other than -- to call it something other than -- "canceling each other out"? This is a family we're talking about here -- it's not your (singular) way or her way or else no way -- it's Yours (plural).

Nothing is gained by viewing this as a competition. It is the Game of Life, maybe, but you guys are on the same team, remember? Combine your killer serve with her defensive volley and high-five one another's plays and saves.

What You Resist - What You Insist - Persists

I'm going to bust you here for just putting out to the Universe that "my partner doesn't understand."

This may be "true," from the walled-off illusion of Separateness you're viewing the situation from, but back out to view a more relaxed context.

Examine the context of what you declare and potential alternatives

You wouldn't say to me "my six year old can't read like an adult." You might say "He's learning to read. He's only six years old, and he's learning."

Maybe your partner is learning to understand the concept and YOU are her teacher.

Don't expect her to understand as you do because then you deny her your own wisdom -- which may be HER best source on the matter.

Controlling is never better than collaborating

Also see that it is not necessarily your job to save -- control -- or convert her in some way. Perhaps your understanding is her way -- and your children's way -- your family's way of having such wisdom in your lives.

Maybe for now You are the source of your wisdom and you are meant to simply provide that for others. It's understood that spouses have different roles to play, and while that should be a flexible notion, infinitely adaptable to any kind of couple, diverse systems are stronger.

There's a wonderful fictional wisdom about couples and synergy in Gregory Maguire's Son of A Witch -- it's Quadling folk saying I will leave you to contemplate:

"One plus One equals Both."

Seek Wisdom -- Practice Love