Soul Mates

You might not know it, just from reading the articles currently available on Shift Your Spirits, but Relationships are the #2 Most Requested type of Reading I perform. I've been meaning for some time to introduce this subject publicly, and this post really represents a list of potential relationship article topics. Although I can only directly listen to the spirit guides of the person who gives me access and permission, I am a big believer in the unique wisdom offered through astrological composite charts. This is where the natal information of two people is cast together as a chart of the synergistic relationship, as if the relationship itself is literally a living entity with its own soul records. (I offer interpretations of these composite charts as a "bonus" to consultations for those with relationship questions, who can supply the necessary birth information for both parties.)

My "Truths" about Soul Mates and Relationships

These are some general chunks of wisdom I have observed during relationship readings and couples counseling, and/or truths I have learned the hard way — through my own personal experiences.

Relationships are the mirrors by which we experience ourselves. You are always having a relationship with some part of yourself, reflected and externalized by your partner.

There are differences between soul mates and twin flames. In the Western Hollywood vocabulary, soul mate is often intended to refer to a specific type of soul-contracted relationship that is synonymous with a twin flame — the idea that each person has one and only one perfect potential romantic partner. While I wouldn't say that there's no such thing as a twin flame, I would venture that it is a rare phenomena and not one which everyone is destined to experience in this lifetime. I also believe that we have many potential soul mates with whom we can create a variety of successful partnerships, including marriage.

We all have many potential soul mates with whom our partnerships defy categorization, type, role, or recipe — members of our spirit family, those with whom we walk together. Not all soul mates are required to exist within romantic, sexual, and/or marriage templates in order to be spiritually fulfilling. It's quite challenging to create a relationship with someone when the connection is greater than any known social construct, especially in the beginning. The power of the initial spark may be hard to compartmentalize without assuming it is meant to be romantic.

Spiritually important relationships are learning experiences even when they don't end up in bliss. Soul-contracted (in which you have chosen prior to this lifetime to know one another for the purpose of delivering [shared] lessons) or karmic relationships (in which we work out unfinished business or repay energetic debts) may often be painful or difficult, even while still being very spiritually significant.

Sometimes it's not about you — it may feel like you're playing the Lead, but sometimes you are a Supporting Actor, playing the role of messenger or teacher for your partner.

Projection and Transference are tricky forms of love. If you're a light worker, with a life purpose and/or a professional career that involves heart-centered healing, be aware that there is a big difference between clients/patients and friends/lovers. Anyone who appears to be both will probably belong to the first group.

While Saving Someone may be motivated by a truly loving intention, it can be a disastrous foundation for a marriage.

The pattern in your relationships is carried by you, not by your partners. Mary has a disastrous relationship with John. Mary has another disastrous relationship with Bob. Mary has a so-so relationship with Michael. Mary says that All these men have the same issues. While that may be true, who is the obvious common denominator in all these pairings?

Human beings are not ideas. Be careful that you're not having (desiring to have) a relationship with an idea. If you prioritize a Role over an individual person, you will be disappointed by anyone's inability to become an Idea.

Being alone is always better than being with the wrong person.

If you're not complete, no one else can complete you.

The ideal relationship is not 50-50 — in the highest numerical quantification, you bring 100% and your partner brings 100%. 50-50, 60-40, 70-30... These recipes are expressions of (and probably formulas for) co-dependence.

Sharing your life with someone who also has a life of his/her own can be the icing on the cake. But icing with no cake is a plate full of frosting, which is probably way less appealing (and ultimately less nourishing) that it sounds.

Having a relationship is never a good substitute for having a life.

A relationship is a unique entity co-created by the participants. It is not ultimately comparable to any other partnership.

You always attract the relationship with the lesson you are meant to learn at this time. You can't really fail at a relationship if you maintain the philosophical position that allows you to perceive it as a learning experience.

Lowering your vibration, playing small, or dumbing down to your partner's level in order to make the relationship "work" is unsustainable.

Don't bank on conditional future beneficial changes in your partner. "She'll be perfect for me once she..." "He'd be perfect for me if he'd just learn to..." This is like playing the Change Lottery. Evaluate the relationship based on what you know to be currently true. What if s/he never changes in the way you hope?

The balance of energetic currency in a relationship does not have to take the same form to be reciprocated. An excellent massage may be reciprocated by a gourmet meal. An expensive gift may be reciprocated by priceless emotional support.

There IS such a thing as a successful, temporary, transient relationship.Important or significant do not necessarily equal forever.

If you doubt that he's your soul mate, you're probably right — he's not.

Listen carefully when someone tells you she's not good enough for you — this is truth straight from the source. (Allow me to elaborate on self-esteem in relationships.)

When people tell you they "don't want to hurt you" or "don't want someone to get hurt," it usually means they're preparing for that likelihood. This is a big clue to their expectations, if not their intentions.

If you want to be in relationship with a woman or a man who's into yoga (fitness, hiking, books, pets, spirituality... insert your interests here) don't look for him/her in a bar. You may get lucky, but the odds are stacked against you. Statistically — logically — most people in bars are into one thing for sure — drinking. Go to a more obvious, relevant source environment.

511 Too Much Information. Confession, Authenticity, and Honesty are not necessarily the same things. Don't talk about your exes or introduce your history of relationship nightmares as a topic of conversation during your first few dates. Why do people continually make this mistake? If you want to open up, open up about a bright future, not your neurotic past. (Not yet, anyway... Save your Dark Secrets for someone who can receive them in the proper time and context.)

Be clear about your intentions and careful what you wish for — your ability to manifest is very powerful, for good or bad. If you choose to manifest a relationship where money/financial security is prioritized over other qualities like mutual love/respect, please don't be shocked when you find yourself in a loveless marriage with a rich dude who treats you like a trophy.

Your ability to receive (deserve) Abundance affects not only your relationships with people but also your relationship with other forms of wealth such as money.

The Good News is that the person you want to become, the life you ultimately want to create for yourself, and the partner you want to attract, with whom you can share your highest self and your best life, can be achieved as one goal. This power, this happiness, this flow — it's a package deal. You are most likely to fall in love with someone else when you fall in love with you — with your world. You are most likely to meet a partner who shares your values in an environment where like-minded people congregate over mutual ideals.

When you "get" the Big Picture, all the pieces tend to fall in place effortlessly.