Do You Believe in Perfect?

If nobody is Perfect, then who the hell is she, and why do you still believe in her?

How to Become a Protestant Perfectionist:

Nobody is Perfect

We've all heard it before so we disregard it as cliche: Nobody is Perfect. (So, then, who is she? Would anyone even recognize her?)

You're never going to produce anything perfect. Don't let that slow you down; don't let it be a reason to hesitate. You can't learn everything first and then execute. Nobody ever failed at anything because of not being perfect.

Stop inviting Perfect to play with you. Stop believing in her. Blacklist her. She wants you to believe that she's in high demand -- that Quality is the result of pursuing her -- she's a liar. Nothing else can attend a Party where Perfect poses -- including you. She is a party of one - and she ate the host. She has no friends. Anyone who claims to want her has never met her.

Creativity + Perfection = Paralysis

Little Miss Perfect is the Medusa of the Common Divine -- Creative Acts are paralyzed by her. (By the way, Her name isn't even really Perfect -- it's Missy -- but who would know that about her? She is too impossible to be around. No one has ever made it through an actual introduction...)

All the best Parties are the ones Perfect was never even invited to. They are the only ones that Happen.

Quality is a by-product that emerges from Quantity. Undesirable Quantity is important also -- the parts that you totally fuck up count too. Quality is the result of repetitive, productive Quantities -- how many factors you can invite that are total low-down trash and have never even heard of Perfect. They don't even hate her -- they just don't know her. She means nothing in their world and you get no points with them for name-dropping Perfect.

Protestant Perfectionist Goal Setting

Give Quantity another keg of beer, let them invite as many trashy friends as they want to, and encourage them to be as rowdy as possible - see how big a mess you can get them to make.

Now, that could result in a real party, the kind of parties that become legendary. Who's going to remember your Martha Stewart-attempt at Thanksgiving for Six with all that polite silence and forced conversation?

A REAL Party Gets Crashed

  • Total strangers you've never seen in your life crawl out from under rocks in the hills and paw through your refrigerator
  • Homeboys take over your stereo and bypass your carefully crafted iTunes Party Playlist
  • Somebody ashes in a deceased relative's urn
  • Girls you can't stand are trying out your perfume and losing their virginity in your parents' bedroom
  • Bitch-slapping, weave-ripping throw-downs on the backporch
  • Nosy neighbors filing less-than-perfect noise complaints

Little Miss Who?

A really happening party, my friend -- the kind everyone wants to go to and no one wants to host -- is a celebration of what happens when no one could care less about Little Miss Perfect, what she looks like, who she is, or whether or not she's gonna show.

Forget Picture Perfect

Try setting your goals with a radical lack of perfection:

I'm going to see how many of these photos I can upload that will look like absolute Crap. That's my goal.

Fail. Fail a lot. Start Failing now.

I guarantee you, as with all goals, ultimately, you will fail at creating crap. You will accidentally start creating too many that look good. And you will run out of steam for failing.

And Perfect? Nothing that works will ever question the lack of her presence.

P.S. - R.S.V.P. If you don't invite Miss Perfect in the first place, you'll never give her an opportunity to say no to you again.