Discover Your Life Purpose -- A Pessimist's Guide

Image - Unicorned Your Life Purpose is your joy, right? It's your passion, it makes you roll out of bed and straight into an opening musical number (like, I don't know, maybe "Good Morning, Baltimore!" from Hairspray).

You've heard that your Soul suited up before you incarnated for the express purpose of doing Something Big!

(Why you chose this body, this life, this family, this town, this time... Why?! Shh, now, these answers may still elude you -- let's not get sidetracked.)

You've been told your sense of purpose is somewhat like your shadow, only pastel, smiley, faintly luminescent, and generally more admirable than the rest of you.

All around you, right this minute (but in some dimension you can't quite see) cherubs are attending you like ginormous bumblebees, carrying the gossamer train of all the goodness wafting off of you like computer-animated ...fumes. Except it's per-fumes.

  • You're supposed to rear up on your Unicorn and find Your Life Purpose written in a gold metallic scripty font on a scroll of scented parchment tucked away beneath the edge of a rainbow.
  • You're supposed to open a magic doorway within yourself and let the bubblegum-pink light truth of it all radiate out with the twinkly sound effects commonly found in Tinker Bell-themed Leapster games.
  • You're supposed to be able to look down deep in your heart chakra and get sprayed right in the face by all your uniquely self-worthy gifts, just like the extras in that Katy Perry "Fireworks" video.

If these methods are not working for you -- try this punch in the gut-check:

What are you afraid it's NOT?

Your soul already knows, remember? Everybody who's metaphysically Anybody says so...

All your pretty bits have been having a party about it up in Heaven since the Beginning of Time -- and they just can't wait for you to arrive!

You already know deep down, so maybe you're just not allowing the information to surface. Maybe you're just not "ready" yet. Maybe you're not pure enough, good enough, spiritual enough -- Okay, I'll just say it -- committed...

Part of you knows, alright.

Your Fear knows.

Check with your ego:

That's right; you heard me -- listen to the really self-absorbed voice that you're supposed to pretend you're not paying attention to so the Unicorn Keepers won't find out what you're really thinking about most of the time.

The part that holds out for the whole world one day discovering that indeed you are Special after all.

That bitch knows your purpose. That jackhole remembers what you came here to do.

What if you booked a life purpose reading with an intuitive who's not as cool and supportive as I am and she told you:

"That? That's what you were hoping to hear it was? Oh, honey. No. No no no no no. Forget it. You're wrong. Not in this lifetime, 'K?"

(...was that Karen Walker?)

What cold flop-sweaty panic descends upon you at the thought that you will die having never ______ (fill in the blank)?

Ah ha! So that's what your purpose is...


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Image credit Zoomar via Creative Commons on Flickr

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